50 Years and Counting

I have coffee every morning at my gym with a group of retirees.  Last week, one of them mentioned he was taking his wife out to dinner to celebrate 55 years of marriage.

“Aw, you’re just a kid,” said another. “My wife and I are celebrating 62 years this August.”

“I’m getting close to celebrating 50 years myself,” said another.

There was silence as the group, who’ve known each other for years, exchanged puzzled looks. 

“Well, I mean, 50 years if you count them all up consecutively,” said the guy.

 I cracked up. Turns out he’s been married four times. “Just so you know,” I said, “That 50 years doesn’t count.”

“Time served is time served,” he said.

I love morning coffees.



As Heard On the Mountain

Blair and I were texting this weekend, talking about vacations. I’ve been contemplating various itineraries and although I haven’t said anything to anyone,  a visit to Machu Picchu is near the top of my list. So it didn’t surprise me at all that Blair and I ended up having this text conversation:

Blair Harris: I'm contemplating Machu Picchu in October.

Dena Harris: OMG  - Machu Picchu is one of the places I was looking at with Road Scholar. I would crack up if we bumped into each other there.

Blair Harris: Wow.

Dena Harris: “Sooo… Hi, Blair.” (As heard on the mountain.)

Blair Harris: You're funny.

Dena Harris: “Hi Dena. F--k.” (As also heard on the mountain.)

If it would happen to anyone, it would happen to us.



The Power of A Sandwich

What's below is not my story but I wish it were. I was talking to a friend the other day and I asked her how her husband was doing. They've been married for almost twenty years. 

"Okay," she said. "We were talking on the phone last week and he was having a really bad day at work and I wanted to help so I asked him if he wanted to come home for a nooner."

"Nice," I said. "Very giving of you."

She snorted. 'It would of been. But that fool says to me, 'Nah. I think I'll just come home and have a sandwich.'"

I died laughing. I think you have to be married a really long time to get it. Sandwich...sex.  They both have their appeal.



Magic Beans and Long Lashes

Two minutes ago. Blair and I are in the master bathroom, getting ready for bed. Blair's brushing his teeth and I'm using an exceptionally small brush to apply a clear liquid to my top and bottom lash lines. 

"What are you doing?" asked Blair, around a mouthful of toothpaste. 

"Growing my eyelashes," I answered. I was rewarded with a doubtful stare. 

"Seriously," I said. "It's a liquid that makes your eyelashes grow."

Blair spit and rinsed. "You have GOT to be kidding. How do you fall for this stuff?" he asked.

"Stephanie told me about it," I said. "She has beautiful lashes." 

"Stephanie, huh?" 


Blair nodded thoughtfully. "I see. Sooo.... did she give you any magic booby powder too?"

Oh my God, I died laughing. That was just cold.