The Mysteries of Life

  • Why does plucking your eyebrows make you sneeze?
  • Why can't women apply mascara without sticking our tongues out the side of our mouths?
  • Why do you hit all red lights when you're in a hurry and all green lights when you're in no rush?
  • Why can I go to the exact same hair stylist as other people and they come out with fun, chic hairstyles and I look like a five-year old got too near me with their first pair of scissors?
  • Why can't I ever find a (fill in the blank) straight pin/thumb tack/rubber band/toothpick when I need one but can find 50,000 of them when they're not needed?
  • Why can't I grow flowers? (Okay, I know the answer to that one. Apparently you have to water them occasionally...)
  • Why am I allergic to cats when I love them above all measure?
  • Why do I crave chocolate after exercising? (I think it's because God has cruel sense of humor, but I can't prove anything)
  • Why do Doritos smell like dirty feet? (We can send a man to the moon but can't fix this? C'mon...)
  • Why is the thing on earth I most want to be--a successful writer--the hardest thing of all for me to do?
  • Why am I not worshipped as a god? (This one is a thinker...)
  • And finally, why do I suspect my cats are smarter than me and hold the answers to most of the above questions but just aren't telling?
People ask me what happens when I can't think of anything to blog about. The above entry is the perfect example. Better luck tomorrow.