Dena Harris...Corporate Tyrant

/

I don't see myself ever returning to corporate life. I enjoy setting my own schedule, being able to meet friends for a 2 pm coffee and finish my work at night, and never knowing what new projects are coming down the pipeline.

The main reason I can't return to corporate life however, is meetings.  I am ill-equipped emotionally and  mentally to deal with meetings. And I proved this fact in high form the other week.

I was sitting in a meeting for one of the non-profits of which I am a board member.  There was a question on the table of how we should log the name of guests to our group. One option was to have guests fill out a 3x5 card with their contact info and we would collect. The other option was to buy a guestbook and have guests enter their names there.  Pretty simple choice, huh?

TEN MINUTES. That's how much discussion time was devoted to this topic. Ten precious minutes out of an hour-long meeting.  We had to discuss who would buy the notecards, where would we keep the notecards or the book, aren't cards hard to keep track of?, what if (God forbid) a guest put down their name and phone number but no address? Should we have someone stand nearby to make sure we got complete information? And on and on and on...

I lost it. I truly did. In an overly-loud and highly annoyed voice, I half-yelled,  "PICK SOMETHING. This is not brain surgery and I can't believe we're wasting time on this. Just pick something, decide to do it, and DO IT!"

Yeah... that Dale Carnegie training on how to win friends and influence people is really paying off.

People  jumped a bit in their chairs at my outburst and I could tell I'd made them uncomfortable.  Not that I cared at that point... I just wanted to move on.  And they did make a decision and move on, but not because I think they were done with their discussion.  I think they were trying to appease me and even a little fearful I might bark at them again.

And here's the scary part... I liked it. I was so past my patience threshold that I didn't care that I was getting things done through force versus group buy-in. I just wanted the s--- done.  I told Blair later that night that I could see me becoming one of those supervisors that rules by fear and intimidation.  I have--to steal a phrase from a friend--a low tolerance for stupid.  And I can't stand wasting time on what I deem to be non-critical items.

But I don't WANT to be that person. I don't respect people who rule by fear. I respect people who make others feel valued and heard.

"What would you have done?" I asked Blair, the Great Communicator.

"Well," he said, "I would have said something like, 'This is all good discussion and everyone has raised some excellent points. But we've got other items on the agenda we need to move on to. So let's go around the table and right now, cast your vote for cards or book.' Then I would have moved on. "

"Oh," I said. "Huh. That never occurred to me to handle it like that."

"I know, sweetie," said Blair sighing and patting my hand. "I know..." 

Leadership is hard. I think it's best for all involved if I just stay behind my computer...

I'll Take A Pass on the Passwords

/

Do you ever feel like your entire life is password protected? It's becoming increasingly difficult to do anything in life that doesn't require a "unique" password, 2 picture-card identity's, and the promise of your first born's blood.

I suspect there are more people out there who, like me, now keep an entire Excel spreadsheet devoted entirely to passwords (of course, my Excel spreadsheet is itself password protected).  Off the top of my head, I need passwords for:

  • My blog
  • Online banking
  • Netfirms
  • Amazon
  • Guru.com
  • My many book clubs so I can go online each month and reject the book of the month (only to have it sent to me anyway)
  • Consumer Reports
  • Travelocity
  • American Express / Hilton Honors cards
  • Mary Kay online ordering
  • Staples
  • Paypal
  • Best Buy
  • Yahoo
  • MSN groups
  • Roadrunner
  • Carolina Red Cross
  • And last but not least, different pin passwords for my ATM cards--one for business, one for personal, one for debit, one for credit card, etc., etc. The only reason I have any money in these accounts is because all my time is spent unsuccessfully trying to remember passwords to get it out...

People--there just aren't enough number/letter combos in the Universe. Or if there are, I have no shot at remembering them. Every new website that insists I log in my e-mail and password before proceeding takes care to warn me to "Chose a minimum 35-number/letter password that bears no relation to your kids, spouse, pets, home address, or anything that has remotely to do with your life and that you therefore have a shot at remembering."

PLUS, they go on to warn you that you should never reuse a password, i.e., the secret code that lets you buy books on Amazon should be entirely different from the secret code used to access your Paypal account. You betcha. Like I don't have enough useless crap floating around in my head without trying to remember if my password for my bank is "CatsRule225" or "Rulerof allcats522." 

Here's a heads up: I have 2 passwords--same letters, same numbers--that I use for almost all my transactions. Crack the code and you have instant access to every corner of my life.  I have no shame in admitting this because I'm willing to bet large sums of money (that I can't access from my account b/c I lost the damn password) that most people do the same.

The using the same code things is fairly recent. I tried to play by the rules for awhile and use different passwords, which is why I am forced to keep the Excel spreadsheet.  I will say this: looking at old passwords is like reading a diary... you can really tell what headspace you were in during that period of your life. "menaremorons07" (note: different from "MENAREMORONS07") and "pookiekissypoo1" are enough to keep your shrink busy for months.

If you ever read about my arrest in the paper, it won't be for drugs, or money laundering, or staging an animal rights protest. No, it will most likely be for bank robbery... because I was unable to ever come up with that stupid password. 

PookiekissyPoo1 out. 

My #1 Fan

/

A few years back I wrote a middle-grade manuscript (writer's note: You can't call something a "book" or "novel" unless it's published... until that glorious day it must be referred to as a "manuscript") called Millicent Powers Picks A Pet. At the time, I had an editor interested in the project but they've since taken a pass on the manuscript. I've worked on it sporadically since then but haven't devoted too much attention to it. I know it needs a major overhaul and I haven't quite found the inner reserves needed to commit to such action.

But, two years ago when I was really into working on the story, I asked my friend Ed if his 9-year-old daughter Katrina, a member of my target audience, might be induced to read the book and let me know what she thought?

Let me tell you--I'd had adult writers critiquing my work for months and I was nowhere near as nervous as I was when I handed that sheaf of papers over to a 9-year-old.  

But Katrina read the book and liked it. I was thrilled! She also pointed our a few inconsistencies that interestingly, none of my adult readers had caught.  I did some more work on the book but, as mentioned, set it aside after a time.

This is a long way of getting around to what happened yesterday. Ed and I met for lunch and as we're waiting in line he snaps his fingers and says, "Oh, I've been meaning to ask you... Katrina's been asking if she could read Millicent again. Would you mind e-mailing it to me?"

Hello! I'm floating on air. What a brilliant, precocious child. Really--you couldn't have made me happier if you'd handed me a thousand dollars.  Screw the editor--I have a kid who wants to reread my book.

I am a very, very happy writer.