Making Book Progress... Slowly

For those unaware, I'm planning on releasing a follow-up book to Lessons In Stalking: Life With Cats released in late 2005. My new collection of short humor stories is called Kiss My Kitty Butt: More Life With Cats. The title is already a hit. One friend recommended bumper stickers, "KissMyKittyButt.com." I've reserved the domain name, and am considering it. I think it'd be a riot.

But I've reached a point in the work where I can't tell if I'm moving forward or back. The stories are written and are currently with my critique group. There will of course be edits and rewrites. But the stories themselves are well on the way to being complete.

What I'm doing now is debating how to proceed. My original thought was that I'd self-publish and print a small run of 500. I wasn't interested in spending a lot of time on promotion and marketing. The more I delve in however, the more I want to do. I think this title could catch on. So much so, that I'm now considering dusting off my book proposal skills and attempting to sell the book to a publisher. That has its pluses and minuses. The big plus is the prestige that comes with a traditional publisher. The drawback is the amount of time involved. I'd be looking at 1-2 years minimum before the book ever saw the light of day, and that's if everything goes my way. Plus, I'm still responsible for all marketing efforts.

I've found 2 small publishers who put out pet/gift/humor books and I've decided to send them proposals. If one of them grabs it, fantastic. If not, I have no problem putting the book out through my company, Spotlight Publishing.

That still leaves me bogged down in details. I want to get a web site up ASAP for the book. However, I can't design the site until I know what the cover looks like. I haven't decided what to do with the cover because I haven't decided if I'm going to have illustrations, like in the last book. (Not to mention that I don't want to pay for a cover design until I get a yes or no from the publishers.) I'd like illustrations, but that's another $1500 minimum to invest in the book. Would I be better off just going with text and using that money for promotion? Or is consistency better and fans who read the last book will want illustrations in this book? I'm also determined to write out a week-by-week marketing plan for the book. I just winged it last time and did okay in sales, but I want a much harder push this time. Which means, suddenly, a much greater investment, both in time and money. Plus, I could bundle the new book with the old book and do some really cool marketing efforts that way.

There are so many marketing venues that I know so little about... Facebook, U-Tube, podcasts, viral marketing... the list goes on. It takes time to learn how to operate in these venues and that's time spent away from writing and the next project. I think I should just hire a 15-year-old kid as my marketing director and let it go.

This post sounds downtrodden, but I'm actually lighthearted about the whole experience. You know me... making any sort of living by writing about cats puts me in a good mood. And I like the stories in my new book and for the moment, I'm psyched about getting the word out. For now, it's just a matter of deciding traditional or self-publishing. The rest will come.

Have a great weekend.

Dena

Suffering From Malnutrition

Does anyone else despise going to the grocery store? I don't know what childhood trauma caused the mental block I now carry about going to the store, but there it is. I'm back from my writer's conference and there is no food in the house save 5 bananas, bread, vegetarian sausage patties, stale raisins, Cheerios, crunchy organic peanut butter, and vanilla low-fat yogurt. I have made it 3 days on this diet and I'm not breaking down now, when I'm so close to victory.

Friday night is grocery night. I'm not setting foot in the store until then. I admire people who shop 2-3x/week for their food, running to the store after work to pick up needed ingredients for that night's meal. Personally? I'd rather bathe in blood. There is nothing about the grocery store I like, other than the produce section. I love being surrounded by leafy, colorful greens, and bright fruit and vegetables. I like to play a game where I pretend I actually know how to cook any of that stuff, and sometimes I pick up something like an eggplant or a plantain and examine it as if I were considering buying it. I like to think I fool people.

If anyone in the area wants to make a quick buck, you could drive by my house in about an hour and sell me some carrots and red peppers, apples, and Weight Watchers kiwi yogurt. I'm willing to pay top dollar.

But I won't go to the store to get it.

Crazy Cat Book & Query Letters

I met an agent last fall at a writers conference where we were both presenting and she mentioned she was looking for a "crazy cat book. " Hell-oh!  We e-mailed a bit and I put together what I thought (and still think) is a great query letter with a unique yet bizarre idea. A lot of times as a writer you send things out in the world just not knowing what the response will be. But I have to say, I fully expected this woman to bite. Instead, I got a ding letter. And I thought for those of you who have not experienced the joy of receiving a ding letter, I would translate the hidden meaning behind the words.

Here is the actual letter:

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, and we apologize for our delayed response. It was kind of you to think of us, but we are sorry to be unable to offer to see more of your work.

We appreciate the opportunity to consider your materials, and we wish you the best of luck elsewhere.

Sincerely,

Big Shot Literary Agency

For those in the know, here is what this letter is actually saying:

Dear Loser,

We enjoy knowing we control your destiny and spent months circulating your letter through our office where you'll be pleased to know it was used for target practice, a hand towel, and in the end, to wipe the runny flu-swelled nose of our most important client's prize-winning Beagle. It was amusing that you thought we might actually be interested in representing you, and we are sorry more authors of your caliber don't submit work to us, as we need the laughs.

We appreciate the opportunity to reflect on why we are now and always will be better and more important personages than yourself. However, please consider this letter a formal cease and desist notice and be advised we will instigate legal action should you chose to even consider sending us material in the future.

Kiss Off,

Big Shot Literary Agency

Ding letters... fear them...

2008 Erma Bombeck Writers Conference - The Low Down

Just back from the 2008 Erma Bombeck Writer's Conference in Dayton, my old stomping grounds. It was cold and gray when I arrived but the dirt was brown, as earth is supposed to be (not this red clay stuff forced upon us in North Carolina). Laughed a lot, made new friends, and even managed to learn a thing or two despite my best intentions to only drink wine, eat free desserts, and take guilt free long, hot showers.  A non-writer friend once asked me what goes on at these writer workshops, so here's my attempt at a summary:

• Lunch and dinner speakers. Among others, Garrison Keillor from A Prairie Home Companion, Pulitzer Prize winner Connie Schultz, Martha Bolton who wrote for Bob Hope and Phyllis Diller, and Mike Peters who writes/draws the comic strip Mother Goose and Grimm. My impressions of these people: Garrison looks like a homeless man but he opens his mouth and a golden glow comes out and you realize you're in the presence of a writing/storytelling god; Simply put, I want to BE Connie Schultz when I grow up; I suspect Martha Bolton to be a Republican but she is so charming in every other aspect, I'm willing to overlook it; and Mike Peters seriously needs to consider Ridlin, but then again maybe not, as he's friggin' hysterical as is.
• Workshops: Lot of attention paid to U-Tube this year. Will making bad videos sell books? We're writers... we're desperate... it's worth a shot.
• American Greetings was there and my new goal in life is to have a greeting card published. If I do, be prepared to receive this card, and only this card, from me on every card-giving occasion for the rest of your life.
• Got a good writing tip for essays. Instead of trying to dive in, write, "This is a story about..." and repeat for 10 minutes. The second part of the sentence should include sensory detail. So instead of "This is a story about animal shelters," it would be, "This is a story about cement cages with no beds and cold floors. This is a story about fur matted with lice, fleas, and the burns and scars of neglect. This is a story about a 10-month old Labrador puppy whose tail creates minor earthquakes as it thumps the floor in greeting."  You take a couple of statements that stand out for you and expand on them. It's a way of tricking your brain into getting started writing while starting to compile story details.

There's more, but tiredness just caught me.  I think I hear bad TV calling my name. Only I'm a writer, so it's not bad TV. It's "cultural research." I can probably even deduct the cable bill.

Cheers.