Quietly Going Insane....

It occurs to me that after all my work to get this blog up and running and have people actually read it, that it's a bad, bad, bad idea to just let it sit for a month. So I'll try to pop in some updates here and there.

It's been an interesting week.  I spent the weekend clearing out my schedule.  I wrote almost-finished drafts of my two remaining articles that are due this month, cleared out the e-mails, balanced my checkbook and did laundry.  So I hit Monday toned, prepped, and smelling Downy-fresh.

To say working on this cat book (which btw is called "For the Love of Cats) is overwhelming is an understatement, at best.  Right now I'm experiencing a chicken and the egg problem.  I have to submit a detailed outline for the book, breaking down what information will be included in each chapter on almost a page by page basis.  The issue is that I need to do a load of research to determine what will be included in each chapter. But it's next to impossible to conduct research without knowing ahead of time what the chapter breakdowns look like.  There is SO MUCH cat information out there.  So I feel a bit like I'm moving in slow, unproductive circles.

I'm also trying to verify information I find.  I may find a really cool cat factoid on a sight and then spend X number of hours trying to verify the information through other sites. 

Thank God I'm researching cats, a subject I find endlessly fascinating.  If I was spending this amount of time on say, Golf, I'd shoot myself.  As it stands, I resonate by the hour between "I'm fine.  I can do this.  When have I ever not completed something?  I always do good work and the pieces will fall together.  It's all good," to "I will find my passport and leave the country and never have to speak to these people again."  Some days it's been a struggle not to throw-up, just thinking of all the work I'm facing.

But I remind myself how lucky I am. I get to work from home, on a project I love, doing what I love.  The Universe has been very, very kind to me. And Blair is a God-send.  My rock.  Here's how our conversations have gone this week:

Me: "I can't do it."

Blair: "You'll be fine."

Me: "No, it's over.  It's too hard.  I can't do it."

Blair: "You'll be fine."

Me: "I suck.  What was I thinking? I don't know how to lay out a book.  This is terrible.  Horrible! The worst!"

Blair: "You'll be fine."

Me: "Do you really think so?"

Blair: "Yes."

Me: (Deep breath) "Okay, maybe you're right." PAUSE.  "Now give me chocolate."

Which he does.  As I've said before, he's a good man.