One of the women in my 6 AM yoga class is an Art Collector/Distributor. She furnishes art to buildings, corporations and designers. She has strong connections to several artists in Moldova, which is northeast of Romania and is one of the poorest nations in Europe. She said she spoke to a woman there yesterday who said they were having a particularly harsh winter. But, the woman added, "We're one of the lucky families. We have heat."
Sentences like that put things in perspective, or at least allow a glimpse of how narrow a perspective we walk around with most days. I'm spitting nails over my bathroom renovations being dragged out while this woman is thankful her family has heat.
It's easy to take for granted how much we have to be grateful for. And yet, while I'm embarrassed for the moment over how much energy I'm wasting on what is the trivial matter of a bathroom renovation, I also know perfectly well I'll be back to bitching and obsessing by early next week if the work isn't being done. Why is that, do you suppose? Does it really take tragedy to make us grateful for what we had before the tragedy? I hope not. I like to think I'm capable of learning without being knocked flat in the head with it.
I've been telling Blair that something is going on for me lesson-wise with the Universe. I have been embroiled in battles over the last 2 weeks with contractors, shop owners, and others over treatment I've received that I think is unfair or unacceptable. And I've been nice, been nice, been nice, then reached my breaking point and gone in swinging. I won't bore you with the details of why I didn't receive treatment appropriate to the situations. I don't think the lesson is in whether I'm right or wrong in how I should have been treated. The lesson is in how I respond when I don't get the reaction I want.
And yet, I'm not going to be a dishtowel and hang out while people walk over me and miss deadlines. But I'm missing something, somewhere, about bringing balance to these situations. It's just too big a coincidence that all these things are happening together in such a short time span and, although different situations, all strongly mirror one another.
I told Blair last night I'm so tired of being angry and harping on people. But stuff doesn't seem to get done unless I do that. Certainly there are some control issues in there for me. I still think I know best and if everyone would just act like I do and be on time and follow-up and accept responsibility everything would run a heck of a lot smoother. I'm not even going to try to work on the "My way is best mentality" because I don't have the lavish amount of time and money for therapy it would take to break that one. But I would like to work on not letting myself tip over emotionally into anger and disgust when situations aren't handled the way I would prefer. There's got to be a better way.
Here's hoping I find it.