Hello and welcome to "The Married Life," a new segment I'm introducing that will showcase the highs, lows, and flatline stretches of married life. Today's episode: HOW TO WIN A FIGHT.
HOW TO WIN A FIGHT WITH YOUR SPOUSE
The first thing you need to know about Blair and me is that we rarely fight and when we do it's more discussion vs. fight. We've never once, in the history of our 15-year marriage, had a screaming or even yelling match. I have to send all credit for this Blair's way. Me? Hair-trigger fuse. I'll scream at a grape if I think it will help me win an argument. But when the person across from you gets quieter as you get louder, it quickly occurs to you that you're the bozo in the situation and so, I lower my voice accordingly.
It was therefore unusual a number of years back, in the early days of our marriage, when we found ourselves in a situation where we were starting to raise our voices. I can't even vaguely recall what the fight was about, only that we were going back and forth in that "nyah-nyah-nyah" "nyah-nyah-nyah" manner married couples fall into.
Finally, Blair waved his hands in the air and cut me off mid-sentence. "You're not understanding my main point," he said.
I rolled my eyes and in an exaggerated (and exasperated) tone spit out, "Fine. What is your MAIN POINT?"
Blair looked around the room and heaved a great sigh. Then he looked me square in the eye and said, "My point... is that you SUCK."
Oh. My. God. I hit the ground I was laughing so hard. To this day, all we have to do is look at each other and whisper, "My point is... you SUCK," and we're off in hysterics.
And they lived happily ever after... (or at least until the next installment of "The Married Life.")