Heads Up: I DON'T WANT TO KNOW

Dear Southerners,

I realize ya'll are friendly folk, warm and open even with complete strangers, and so--as one of these strangers--I beg a small request of each of you. Ready? Here it is:

PLEASE STOP SHARING YOUR LIFE STORIES WITH ME. ESPECIALLY WHILE WE ARE CONDUCTING WHAT SHOULD AMOUNT TO A 30 SECOND TRANSACTION BUT WHICH GETS DRAGGED OUT FOR 20 MINUTES AS YOU SHARE DETAILS OF YOUR LIFE THAT (and I apologize, as this part may be difficult for you to hear) DON'T INTEREST ME IN THE LEAST. 

Seriously. I was on the phone today with a car shop to give them my credit card number to pay for a repair for my sister-in-law's car. The (I can not emphasize this enough) very nice man said he would have his 82-year-old "Daddy" drive the car out to my sister-in-law. Lovely. I thanked him. And then it began. 

"Well, momma died recently--"

"Oh, I'm sorry," I say.

"Yeah, she's been gone 'bout 15 years now. Anyway, last year Daddy wasn't doing so good. He was always tidy and the house was still okay but he didn't look like himself, you know? So my sister, she lives next door to him but she works full time and she's got her life, you know? So I stop in and say to Daddy, I say..."

I'm going to stop here. The gist of the 15 minutes that followed is that his dad now comes in daily to the shop and helps out a bit, the customers love him, and he seems happy to have a purpose again in life.

It's a lovely story. Sweet. Touching. But I just... I just... (this is so mean and horrible I hate to admit it)... I just don't care. I don't. I just want off the phone. Take my credit card info. Wish me an insincere "Have a nice day." Let's both move on with our lives.

I know, bah humbug. Feel free to let me have it. I deserve it. I'm a grinch. A terrible person. Someone who isn't living in the moment and is missing life because I'm so concerned with staying on task with the all-mighty to-do list. You're right. I know you're right. 

But still, for right now, until I evolve into a better person? Quit talking. Please quit talking.

I just don't want to hear it.