Today Only! A Tour of the Land of Unfinished Projects
Monday, September 6, 2010 at 3:13 PM | Dena Harris If, like me, you find yourself one of the three people in town who did NOT head to the beach for Labor Day weekend, I present you with an alternative form of entertainment: A tour through the land of unfinished projects. No ticket required, just a deep burning desire to feel superior to someone who is even more behind in life than you are. I hope this helps.
STOP #1: The Never Ending Pile of "Stuff"
Stand back and be amazed as you deal with each and every paper in the pile of unending stuff, only to find that it has magically reproduced overnight! Articles to be read, papers to be scanned, clips to be cut out, scribbling to be deciphered, phone numbers to be matched to names... the pile of stuff never fails to keep you entertained!
STOP #2: The book project you can't bear to throw away
Yes, it's been over two years since you last touched it, but you just can't throw away all the effort that went into a non-fiction book project that you know very well will never (for good reasons) see the light of day. Instead you keep it in a place where it serves as a daily reminder of your stupendous lack of follow-through.
STOP #3: Marketing Postcards for New Book
Similar to the magical pile of growing stuff, the magical pile of marketing postcards also comes with a never-ending supply of work to be done. Every time you think you have printed out every possible indie bookstore mailing label known to man, ten more present themselves. The land of unaddressed postcards also serves as a brutal reminder that your rash decision to leave all friends/family addresses in the old address book instead of entering them into the computer last Christmas when you had the chance has now come back to bite you in the ass.
STOP #4: Bedside Reading You Will Never Catch Up On
Two books to be read on top of the dresser, next to a brush used to groom the cats. Guess which activity takes priority most nights?
STOP #5: The Treadmill of Guilt
Have you done everything you can do to prepare for your upcoming mountain relay race? Are you SURE about that??
This concludes our tour. We hope you have enjoyed your time here and welcome your return visit. Please exit to the right and watch your step on the way out, as the last thing we have time for is a lawsuit.
Cheers,
Dena
Reader Comments (3)
I can certainly help with Stop #3 in a few weeks!!
Oh, you poor deluded dear! You think that's a never-ending pile of stuff? My entire office is buried under my piles, each of which reaches as high as my waist. The stack of unread books on my nightstand long ago spilled onto the floor on three sides, and is now shooting tentacles under the bed. And the stack doesn't even include the 18 I've downloaded since buying my iPad.
Sorry, Dena, but you're out of your league on this one, girl!
You are too funny! I've got an alternate ending for you......Please exit to the right and watch your step as you take small children by the hand and step onto the moving platform that is moving at the same speed as your internet connection. (Remnants of Disney World spinning in my subconscious.)
This was a hysterical post, Dena! Kudos to you.....