Anytime I wear white, God takes it as a throw down.
Yesterday I'm sitting in a coffeeshop with a large coffee cooling beside me. I reach for my laptop bag and... BAM! I knock the full cup of coffee directly onto the right leg of my white jeans.
After uttering a sedate, "Gee whilikers! What bad luck!" (Kidding--there were f-bombs dropping right and left), I hopped up and ran to the women's bathroom. I had a meeting in 30 minutes so there was no time to go home and change.
My attempts to rub the stain out with paper towels resulted only in soggy towel bits clinging to the stained fabric. So I did what had to be done. I slipped the jeans off and stuck the right leg under cold running water, pumped a bunch of soap onto the jeans and started scrubbing.
During this time, the bladders of apparently every woman in the coffeeshop emptied and there was a steady parade of visitors to the bathroom. Frankly, it's amazing what people will ignore. I'm thinking if I came upon a woman in her underwear standing at the sink in a public restroom with lather up to her elbows, I might say something. But nope. No one said a word until I gave a sheepish smile and said, "Spilled my coffee." Then everyone laughed and smiled and said, "Oh no!" and it was fine. But interesting how at first it was like they treated me like the homeless person standing on the corner with whom everyone avoids making direct eye contact.
It gets better. When I stuck the pants leg under water, I figured I'd just use the hand dryer to dry it out. Except I picked the one bathroom in America that didn't have a hand dryer. Now I had sopping wet jeans and 10 minutes until my meeting. Whatcha gonna do?
That's right. I started flapping those jeans in the air for all I was worth. Whoosh! Whoosh! Whoosh! You haven't experienced humility until you've stood in your underwear in public, flapping your jeans and praying you don't accidentally towel snap a random woman who walks in the door.
Didn't work. I put the still sopping wet jeans back on and went to my meeting. It was a long, cold uncomfortable hour.
That was my day. How was yours?