Last night, 8:30 p.m. I hear my cat, Snowball, come in from the back porch. I'm rather proud of the fact that I've taught him to let himself in. I close the back patio door so it just barely latches. By throwing his (considerable) weight against the door, Snowball can let himself in when he's ready.
I got up to close the door behind him and noticed he had what appeared to a large lump of dark wet leaves in his mouth. Except I know my cat.
"It better be dead," I said.
Snowball looked up at me and, without losing eye contact, calmly and deliberately went "Patoo-ie!"
And the lump of dark leaves scurried away.
I found the mouse about 10 minutes later, under my bed. I knew he was there because Snowball was calmly reclining on the floor, watching the mouse, yet making no move to corner him. Instead, when he saw me, he ran to his food dish and started meowing, twining between my legs.
"You've got to be kidding me," I said. "Dinner is right there under my bed! Go get it!"
Instead, he found an errant kibble on the floor and began batting it around before he pounced on it, making the kill.
"You are an embarrassment to your species, is what you are," I informed him.
I threw on some shoes and a raincoat and dashed to CVS, grabbing four (count 'em, four) mousetraps. I'm not a fan of the brutality of mousetraps but I'm less a fan of getting up at night and stepping on a mouse running errant around my home.
I set the traps, locked the cat in the bedroom with me (I did chase the mouse out earlier, so I knew he wasn't in there) and went to bed.
Got up this morning, checked the traps... nothing.
"This is on you," I informed the cat as I left for the gym. "Make this right."
Instead of making it right, I walked in my front door to see this:
In the two years that I've lived here, that cat has never been on that table in his life. One can only assume the evil rodent chased him up there.
So here we sit. Me, the cat and some monster-cat-scaring rodent. If you hear screams coming from my condo, please come running.
Chances are the mouse is attacking my useless cat.