How to Make An Accountant Cry

I think I am coming out of my little "Who am I, why am I here and why do I try?" funk of the past week.  We had brunch this morning with our friends Pam & Michael.  Pam is a Southern Fiction writer and a good friend of mine.  She is also "networking queen," attending and participating in writers conferences and book expo's across the nation.  Her husband Michael is a strong behind-the-scenes presence in her career and I come away feeling hopeful and motivated every time we meet with them.  They have such vision for where Pam's work will go that it motivates me to do more with my book and career every time we meet.

What also helps is that Michael reminded me of a book I already own called "The Publishing Game" that lays out in 30 days a publicity campaign new authors can follow.  Part of my downspiral last week is that I feel unanchored. This book is a good way to say, "Hey, this is what you do Day 1.  Then this Day 2. And so on."  I'm in need of a plan to make me feel like I'm accomplishing something vs. just blindly shooting at whatever comes into my line of vision.

Blair and I came home from brunch and set about tidying up the files I've been "keeping" on Lessons In Stalking sales.  I say "keeping," because it quickly became evident how shoddy my inventory skills are.  At one point, Blair had his face in his hands and was rocking back and forth moaning, "Oh my God, Oh my God."  It's a terrible thing, to bring an accountant to tears. I didn't even know I had it in me.

During the moaning, I of course burst out laughing and tried to pry his hands away from his face.  "I need to hear you say you love me," I said.

"Oh my God," he said, rocking and ignoring me.

I knocked on his hands.  "Hel-lo! I made a mess but you still love me, right?"

"I love you," came muffled from behind his hands.

"I need you to look me in the eye and say it."

He shook his head.  "No. I can't look at you. You're just going to have to trust that I love you."

So, we spent quite a bit of time on a new SUPER EASY Excel spreadsheet that Dena is sure to master.  And after I left him alone with a bag of Doritos and two hours of football, he was in a much better humor.

As for me, I vow to do better.  From this day forward, I will become worthy of the name, "Tracking Queen." 

Or at least improve my skills enough so I no longer make my husband, the CPA, revert to the fetal position.

On Being Self-Employed

99% of the time, I love my freedom.  The flexibility that comes from being able to start work immediately upon awakening while still in my jammies, or after a morning yoga session, or even from my own desk at 7 o'clock at night is a gift I'm well aware most people desire.  Still, I have my moments (today being one of them) where I just think, "I'd rather go into an office, have someone tell me what they want me to do, do it, then come home and not have to think about work any more until I go in tomorrow."

I feel a lot of pressure--pressure I put on myself--to constantly be producing something.  And so often, I feel I have little to show for my efforts.  Today, for example.  It's now almost 3pm and I've been at my desk since 9 this morning.  This morning I answered e-mails which included replying to students  about possible places for them to publish, giving my opinion to a friend on a tagline for her business, following up on trying to find a webmaster for my writers group, and a few other tasks.  All things that needed to be done, but nothing income producing.

I also spent 30 minutes composing an e-mail to the director of the new UNC-G Creative Writing Center.  My local writers group is very excited about the Center with whom we hope to partner and offer joint classes to the community.  My e-mail was an introduction to myself, our group, and proposed projects for the year.  Again, very worthwhile, but not making me any money.

This afternoon I did switch into writing gear and researched and composed 2 queries which will go out to approximately 6 different magazines.  Still, the research for facts to make the queries interesting took the better part of the afternoon, and I still have to get feedback from writer friends before I send them out, so while the queries will eventually be sent out in the hopes of getting me work...nothing is going out today. (BTW, a "query" is a pitch letter sent to a magazine where you sell them the idea you'd like to write about. Sort of like a resume for magazine articles).

Part of my frustration stems from the unknowingness of my work.  So okay, I put together two really good queries today.  That doesn't mean they'll sell.  They might, but they just as easily might get lost on an editors desk for 6 months, or they already have a similar project in the works, or they don't like the idea, or whatever.  If that's the case, then this is an afternoon wasted.

I know, cry me a river.  What a hard life I lead, having to sit here at home and fret about all this. But I'm having...not really even a down day, but more of a "Am I just wasting time? What is the point of all this?" day.  There is so much I need to accomplish: marketing for my book (which is such a beast in and of itself, I don't even know where to start), thinking about professional speaking and the marketing and positioning that goes along with that, writing my Millicent book, writing my public speaking book, keeping up with article assignments, finding new assignments, speeches for Toastmaster, volunteer work, household chores, keeping up with friends and family so they don't despair of my ever calling them again and give up on me, and so on.

Everything just eats time.  I can spend an afternoon on marketing and not make a dent.  Or, for example, yesterday afternoon I spent making calls, researching, and sending e-mails to line up interviews for the auto columns I write for the News & Record.  That's an entire afternoon spent on something I didn't enjoy and that isn't really a part of my career path.  So should I not write the column and work on "career path" items like the books? The column is at least sure money...the books are long term projects that may or may not ever yield a dime.

Just feeling frustrated today.  Nothing marching my butt into an office and having me sit there for the next 8 hours wouldn't snap me out of... :)

Profile Piece Now Available in CFA magazine

While yahoo-ing my name (Oh right, like you've never done it...), I discovered my profile piece is now available in the Cat Fanciers Association online magazine, Fanc-E-Mews.  Click HERE to read the article.  The opening picture is me holding Olivia.

I've also added a few pictures of me doing public speaking in the PICTURE GALLERY (see sidebar) under the "Lessons In Stalking" heading.

DayTimer Defeat & Other Odds & Ends

I have been humbled by the weekly day planner.  I can't make it work and I'm giving up now, before I waste any more time.  I had visions of grandeur, in that I would plan each day down to the minute so as to squeeze the most productivity out of every hour.  Instead, I discovered I'm a rebel.  And the rebel part of me refuses to have my every move dictated.

So I stopped by Staples last night and picked up my trusty $13 month-at-a-glance planner that has been my companion for 17 years now.  I'm very excited about spending some time later this morning transferring my existing appointments and obligations into the monthly planner.  This weekly one was giving me heart failure.  I would forget to look to the week ahead and be stunned to find out I had a Sunday meeting or an article was due next Tuesday.  The older we get, the more we are set in our ways...

Speaking of getting old, I'm taking up knitting.  Yes, you read right.  Knitting.  My friend Melody has become--I don't think "obsessed" is too strong a word--obsessed with the craft. I met her for coffee yesterday and she showed me her sundry of projects and had me knit a row.  And I say this now, with great pride and no fear of retribution: KNITTING IS FUN.

I was so taken I went immediately to the crafts store to buy a starter kit.  However, the starter kits all contained incredibly ugly yarns, so I picked out a silky-soft, feathery, deep mauve yarn from which to craft my first scarf.  I just need to meet with Melody and have her get me started.  Several friends of ours have expressed an interest in learning to knit so we're kicking around the idea of starting the "Hot Women Who Knit" club.  Meeting times to be announced.  (And everyone just start practicing your happy face now for when you receive a scarf from me next year at Christmas).

Good News: The dryer is fixed.  Our contractor came over and had it fixed in no time.  Very pleased. Maybe it bodes well for the progress to be made on the bathroom.