Note to Cupid: Keep on Truckin'

Blair and I went out to eat on Saturday. "Have you bought my cards yet for Valentine's Day?" I asked as we exited the car.

"Nope," he replied, rubbing his hands together for warmth.

"Me either," I said. "Want to skip it?"

He paused, and looked up at the night sky. "I love being married to you."

"Ditto."

I've blogged on this before, but I must post again and reiterate my point.  Want the secret to a happy marriage? Not having to buy cards and gifts because the date on the calendar says so is an excellent start. 

From our first Christmas together, Blair and I agreed not to buy each other gifts for Christmas, birthdays, or anniversaries. It's THE BEST.  No worries about figuring out what he wants, or him worrying about size clothes to buy me that I won't find insulting. We just get to sit back and enjoy the day.

When we do give each other gifts (which is rare), it's because we want to or because we saw something we really thought the other would enjoy.  It means more, that way, whether the gift comes from Blair or a friend.

One of the best gifts I ever received came from one of my senior roommates in college, years after we had graduated.  Elie Wiesel (Nobel laureate  winner and author of Night, which is Oprah's current book club selection and which should be required reading for everyone on the planet) was doing a bookstore signing years ago of his autobiography. My friend, knowing my interest in the Holocaust, grabbed an extra copy, had him sign it to me and sent it to me.  All for no reason.  I almost fainted when I opened the book and saw he'd written my name in his own hand.  That was a good day.

Still, for those of you exchanging cards, candy, and flowers today--God love the romantic in all of you. Happy Heart Day.

The Ultimate In Writer's Discipline

I'm not sure I'm brave enough to do it.  But the fact that it scares the beejeezus out of me makes it think this might be worthwhile.

I'm talking about a  put up or shut up technique I read about in one of my on-line writer's e-zines. The concept is simple.  A deterrent is used to keep a writer writing. For example, let's say a writer such as myself has the goal of turning out 5 pages of new work a week. According to this article, I buddy up with someone who is my truth keeper. I.E., I have to turn in my 5 pages every week to them so they know I'm on track.  If I don't  turn in my work, I get something taken away from me. 

The example this article gave was that a die-hard liberal Democrat writer (such as moi) would have write a check to the Republican party if  the 5 pages aren't met on deadline.  The article cited a $500 check for each missed deadline, which seems a bit much to me.  But even a $50 check would deter me.  Frankly, a .05 cent check would make me blanch.  I'd sooner bleed to death than give money to the Republican party.  So I see it as a great motivator for getting the work done on time.

(And lest it be said I'm picking on the Republicans, just switch it.  If you're a die-hard conservative, imagine you have to write a $50 check to Hillary Clinton's Presidential campaign.  Hear the screaming in your head?  That's what I'm experiencing).

Rewards don't work.  I've promised myself clothes or shoes or whatever, but the fact is I don't care that much if I don't get those things, so it's not a motivator.  Having to write a check to the Republican party though...that would kill me.  Or rather, I think it would INSPIRE me to get done what needs to be done. Really, if it came down to the wire and I had to stay up to 3AM to finish my work or send $50 to the party I oppose, I'm pretty sure my butt would be up at 3AM. And I'm not doing that now.  Now, I think, "Eh, it's late.  I'll try to find time to work on that tomorrow." 

I'm embarrassed it may take such a strong incentive to get me to do work I'm supposed to WANT and LOVE to do. But I really think the deterrent is more a way to push past the fear.  It's easy to not do the work because I'm afraid it won't be good, I won't be able to finish it, I'll get stuck, etc.  And all that may happen.  But wonderful things may  happen too. The point is though, unless I start writing more, NOTHING will EVER happen.

So I'm close. The fear I feel at committing to this path is strongly tinged with excitement.  It's a challenge, and I like challenges. And I shouldn't be afraid.  This is do-able.  Plus, it makes me prioritize something I've been too willing to put aside.

Any thoughts?

Overpacking & Unprepared - England Bound

I envy the backpacking friends in my  life.  I have them, you know. Those carefree souls who stuff three tee-shirts, a pair of jeans, 2 pair shorts and a comb in a backpack for a four-week trip.  Unlike me, they don't spend hours pouring over electrical circuitry sites for whatever country they plan to visit in order to ensure hair dryer compatibility with foreign outlets. And they don't just accept, as I do, that their bags will all exceed the 50 lb. maximum at the airport weigh in. (By this time I know better and just build the overweight luggage fees into the budget.)

In short, I am a travel coach's worst nightmare.  I pack crap I don't need, pack way too much of it, then spend hours between hotels counting bags to make sure we haven't left a fifty-pounder behind. 

All of this a long way of saying, look out world, Dena & Blair are preparing to travel again.  We laid down yesterday afternoon to discuss our travel plans which proved to be a mistake as we both promptly fell asleep. But we talked early this morning and it looks like a England/Scotland tour is in the works. 

England is one of those places where we always plan to visit but never quite get around to.  It's like California - yeah, yeah, it'll still be there when I'm ready. But while we both want to get away, neither of us feel up to the task of visiting a non-English speaking country (lazy Americans).  We love history, museums, churches, and architecture, plus hills and countryside, so England seems a good fit for us.  Plus, Blair's brother has been there something like 8 times, and has tons of tips on where to stay, eat, shop, etc.

We are the classic American tourists.  Map and tourbook in hand, video recorder slung around the neck, and tennis shoes on the feet, we don't even attempt to hide the fact we're not from around these parts.  We also do all the cheesy tourists things which this trip will include visits to Buckingham Palace, Big Ben and the like.  Again, I wish I were like my cool traveling friends who manage to find out where the locals hang out and then go there and blend in.  But I'm an uneasy traveller. I haven't done it enough to be good at it, so I'm always thinking we're being misled or ripped off.  I prefer to stay in areas with other tourists and get ripped off there.

But this trip, who knows? Some writers I know through the Cat Writer's Association live in England, so maybe I'll get some insider tips on little known towns or places to visit. Now we just need to pick a date and commit and start practicing posh English accents.

I'm sure we will totally be able to fool everyone.

Snow & Handmade Scarves

It's snowing! It's snowing!  Maybe no big deal to a lot of you, but this is our first snow of the year.  I've lived in the South for almost 14 years now but am still a mid-Westerner at heart, and winter is not winter without at least one snow.  I wish we'd get a little ground coverage but I just snapped this picture a few minutes ago and already the thick wet snowflakes are turning into more of a rain. 

But I'm ready for the first snowstorm of the year with my first completed scarf!  Yes, this is "purple practice scarf," my first completed knitting project.  It's not particularly attractive, but I've been wearing it the last few days everywhere I go because, darn it, I made the thing.  I have a thick green/blue scarf made out of a nubby material that's almost completed as well. 

I'm doing some interviews and write up's this morning while Blair is volunteering at an agency in Eden that's helps people prepare their taxes. We're going to meet back up at 3pm and plan some VACATION time for the two of us.  We used to be religious about taking one big trip a year but it's been close to 3 years now since we've done that.  Waaay to long.  I'm thinking overseas flight, here we come.