Killer Squirrels

A quick update on the killer squirrels. You may recall I was concerned about the safety of my housesitter as the squirrels had returned to our upstairs attic area and, I suspected, were plotting to take over the house.  Turns out they weren't squirrels at all this time. It was birds. Critter Control came out and sealed up the area (after watching the birds fly out). So the scratching and clawing was apparently from sweet little nesting birds.

Or that's what they'd like me to believe. Obviously, the squirrels have enlisted the help of the birds to overthrow us. There was way to much noise and gnawing up there to be just birds.

Oh, they're sneaky all right.  But I am not so easily fooled.  I stopped their nefarious plans this time.  Now it's their move...

Squirrels Are Back

They're baaa-ack. The Squirrels have decided this is the season for revenge and are setting up house in my attic. I can hear them even as I type this, their thick claws scraping across the ceiling over my head.

I've been hearing the sound for some time (days) but had hoped I was just hearing them on the roof. But today I could trace their path as they traipsed from the light fixture over to the bathroom ceiling to above my work desk and back to the light again.  I sang them a little song to get them to leave that went something like this:

Get out of my house

you furry-tailed mouse.

Or with poison I'll fill you

That's right baby, I'll kill you.

I just called Critter Control who got rid of the squirrels for us last time.  "Did you sign-up for our long-term warranty?" asked the girl who answered the phone. I thought of the warranty offer I--ironically--received just last month. I crumpled into a ball and threw it in the trash on top of the discarded kitty litter.

"Um, I don't remember," I said.

"We'll have someone out there as soon as possible," she replied.

I'd like to get this taken care of before we leave for our trip. That way I won't have the unpleasant task of informing the housesitter there is the possibility of her being bludgeoned to death by angry squirrels who mistake her for me in the dark. But last time it took several weeks to get rid of the squirrels.  Oh, they're clever.

But in the end, there can be only one.

Rabid Squirrels Are Back!

The damn squirrels are at it again.  I'm sitting in my office and on the roof above me is the constant scratching and scraping of dirty squirrel talons digging into my shingles. At least that's what I imagine them to be doing.  All I know is I'm hearing loud scrabbling noises and it's about to drive me to distraction. Any neighbor who dares peek in my window will probably call the cops to come arrest the crazed lunatic who's pounding a plastic broom handle against her ceiling whilst muttering squirrel curses.

Oh hell, they're inside the walls. Literally as I'm typing this the vent cover in the wall next to me starts rattling and it sounds like dust is falling behind it as something moves around.  Any minute now I expect a red-eyed squirrel demon to throw open the vent and declare war, probably beating me to death with the plastic broom handle.

And where are my cats, my protectors? Downstairs sleeping on the sofa. Someone needs to start earning their keep around here.

If later on today you see a blog entry reading something along the lines of  "Hlp. Atcked by sqrls. Bldeeng to deth," you'll know to send help, right? 

The Squirrels Return?

Remember the scene in the 80's movie Poltergeist near the end where the little girl has been rescued and the family is getting ready to move and everyone thinks everything is okay, and then the light appears again under the closet door?  As the door slides open and the evil of the netherworld slithers out in the form of a demon clown and red-blood vessel tentacles, the little girl sitting on her bed, moans softly, "No more"?

That's what I feel  like with the squirrels.  We took the little buggers out and I'm hearing scrabbling noises again.  I think they're still on the outside though.  I'm pretty sure the thudding noises I heard earlier today were on our lower exterior roof, above the guest bath.  The furry rodents are trying to find a way in, I'm sure of it.  I'll blow up the house before I'll let them have it.  I used to like squirels until they invaded our home.  Now I jump out of my skin if I see one within three feet of the house.

"SQUIRRELS GO HOME." That's the sign I'm going to post on our roof.

If only the little buggers could read.