Here's a preview (you must say this in a high, whiny high-schoolers voice and imagine that you are speaking to a llama): "Ti-nuh! Come eat some ham!"
That's just good stuff, baby.
Okay, switching gears. I'm thinking of starting a top 10 list along the lines of "What Other People Can Do to Make The World I Live In A Better Place." Only I'm pretty sure I'm going to need a lot more than 10. But we must start someplace so here's what tops my list:
#1 - QUIT LITTERING
Is it really so difficult to locate a trashcan? Maybe it's being in a car and having trash that confuses people. Oh no. I'm in traffic and have a gum wrapper. I don't know what to do!! Better toss that wrapper out the window before I experience total brainlock!
Might I instead suggest the simple solution of an in-car trashbag emptied periodically? It ticks me off to have to drive down a highway or road riddled with discarded hamburger wrappers, Styrofoam, and scraps of paper. And for you smokers who flick your butts out the car window because you're too lazy to reach over the six inches to your car's ashtray, there's a special place in hell reserved for people like you.
To end on a cheerier note, let me say that I just love my cats. I was combing Lucy earlier and she had a big purr going, and last night little Olivia started purring when I just looked at her. How cute is that! Personally, I think there would be a whole lot less wars and killing if everyone just owned and appreciated a cat. How could you look into those big round eyes, stroke that silky fur, and rub kitty belly and then go out and do mean things? Simply not possible.
Purrs, until tomorrow.
p.s. The thing under the stairs is still with us. I hear it clawing floorboards as we speak. Please, if you're reading this, send help.