Hey guys and gals, ready to shed those unwanted pounds? Then put down the pork chops and change into your painting clothes because it's time for the GET FIT WITH PAINTING workout!!!
It's so simple anyone can do it! All you need is a can of paint, a brush, a roller, and 4 walls. Are you ready to sweat, people? Then let's go!
First we need to warm up. Pick up your gallon can of paint and shake vigorously 20 times, making sure to stop every fifth shake to complain about how heavy the stupid can is (this allows you to regulate your breathing). Now set down the can and pick up your screwdriver and slowly pry the lid up, remembering to breath. For those ready for advanced training, set aside the screwdriver and rip the can open with your teeth.
Pour slowly and hold the pour, ignoring your trembling arms that threaten to spill paint everywhere. This is called an isometric contraction. Are you still with me? Good! Now do a deep knee bend, pick up your brush, dip it in the paint and start working on your cut-ins. Bend, dip, paint. Bend, dip, paint. Repeat this a million times.
Let's catch our breath. Collapse on the floor and refuse to do another lick of work until the other person in the room brings you some water.
Ready to go again? Now we're going to work those arms! Grab your roller and get some paint on it. Now climb the ladder and apply paint. Climb up, paint, climb down, dip; climb up, paint, climb down, dip. Repeat 500 times per wall.
It's time for our cool down. We'll use this time to reflect on the great workout we've had as we carefully wash our brushes and stow our paint supplies away. For beginners, you may notice an urge to curse at anything with your chosen paint color on it and nail the room closed from the outside so you never have to deal with it again. This is just your body telling you you've had a good workout. Embrace it.
And don't forget to tune in next week for our show Look Thin by Feeding Your Friends to Make Them Fat. Until then, stay healthy!