In order to live in my large, dusty house with my large, dusty cats I am required to partake weekly in an allergy shot. And in order to receive said weekly shot, my allergist demands I visit him and cough up several hundred dollars once a year so he can say, "Doing okay?" and I can say, "Yes, fine thank you," and he can say, "Great. We'll keep going then. See you next year."
Such was the 3-minute scenario I expected this morning as I pulled in to my allergists parking lot at 10:45 for my 11 AM appointment (if I am anything, I am prompt). But as luck would have it, the nurse taking my BP caught that this was my 5-year appointment which meant I was due to be retested. For anyone who's never been tested for allergies, this process involves you sitting in a cotton wrap big enough to house Detroit while a nurse uses a pen to write numbers up and down your back. Then she sticks a small needle containing an allergen next to each number and waits for you to swell up.
For the first time ever, I tested as more allergic to dogs than to cats. And according to the test, I will pretty much drop dead of asphyxiation if I am anywhere near a Black Walnut tree. Throw in dust mites and feather allergies and you've got yourself a party.
My allergist noted my animal allergies. "Got pets?" he asked.
"Two cats" I said, striking the indefensible Okinawa Crane Pose in the middle of his office. "And they're not leaving."
"So who's asking them to?" he said. "I gave up years ago on trying to convince people to get rid of their pets."
He then told me a horrible story about how the ONE patient he convinced to get rid of her cat gave the cat to him, and he had to tell her on her next visit that the cat, a Persian, had got out of his house and been killed by a dog. Why do people tell me these things???
I'm sitting in Panera (where else?) having just finished low-fat soup and an apple and trying to convince myself I don't need an apple tart to seal the deal. I'm also giving the evil eye to a truly nasty woman I worked with years ago who is sitting two tables up from me. Her back is to me so her hair is receiving the brunt of my evil-ward-offeness but that's the kind of back-stabbing gal I am. Hmmm... I better throw the sign of the cross out at her, just to be safe.
Happy Tuesday, all.