I’m A Runner & All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt…

Upon accessing the somewhat hidden world of running, I’ve made surprising discoveries about myself—and others—along the way. One or two of these unearthings came to me early this morning as I sat in the bathroom, clipping my toenails to a brutally short length in preparation for this morning’s speed workout on the treadmill. As I watched polished toenail clippings fly, I meditated on the seldom mentioned aspects of running and thought I would use my blog time this morning to share these thoughts with you.

So, without further adieu, here is

Dena’s Top 10 List of Things Your Mama Never Told You About Running

  1. Don’t become too attached to your toenails as life quickly becomes a battle of keeping them cut painfully short, watching them blacken, or losing them entirely.
  2. Be prepared to listen—and participate in—discussions about bowel movements and how to help ensure a healthy bowel movement occurs on schedule before a race.
  3. Watch out for bleeding nipples. (Thankfully, this primarily seems to hit men.)
  4. You will have intense discussions with fellow runners on technical materials and which wicking shirt is best at moving sweat and stench away from the body.
  5. You will start to enjoy math. I’ve never liked or been good with numbers, but I now spend endless hours calculating speed and times in the form of those word problems that used to bring me to tears as a child. (If Sally Runner runs 21 miles in 3 hours and 11 minutes, what is her pace per mile? If Sally were to run 10 seconds faster for 5 miles and 5 seconds faster for 10 miles, then what would her pace be? Be sure to factor in four 8-second water stops along the way…)
  6. That men are eager to discuss fashion (as long as it involves wicking material) and where to find the best shopping bargains on runner’s clothes.
  7. That you will closely follow etiquette questions in a runner’s magazines on how to blow your nose or pass gas while in the presence of a fellow runner.
  8. You will become obsessed with tracking, down to the tenth of a mile, the mileage on your shoes.
  9. That you would ever pay upwards of $8 for a single pair of socks.
  10. That you will never again be able to walk, bike, or drive a single road without judging whether it would make for a good run and the reasons why or why not.

Obsessive? A bit. Gross? For sure. Something any runner would ever willing give up? Never.

Happy pre-Thanksgiving.