Playing Hooky From School

I received an automated call from the junior high school this morning, informing me my child had not been in school yesterday and that it was an unexcused absence.

This disturbs me on several levels.

One -- Why is the school calling me today instead of yesterday when the event actually occurred?

Two --  Why is it an automated call instead of direct response? And finally,

Three -- I don't have a child.

Someone thinks we do though, which would explain why we also received automated voicemail school closings notifications all winter. My friends with kids tell me a phone call to the school will have my name dropped from the list but I'm kind of enjoying my pseudo-parent role.

Tell you what--that kid of mine ever shows up, I'll tan his hide for skipping school yesterday.