My color copier hates me. I realize it's an inanimate object, incapable of human thought or emotion but that doesn't change the fact that it hates me.
And it's not just one. Apparently I have offended the color copier gods and now all are out to thwart me. About a month ago our color copier/printer/scanner/fax machine suddenly and for no reason started printing everything in pink and yellow. We checked the toner cartridges. Full. We shook them (because it seemed like a logical thing to do). No effect. We printed out numerous color copies of various documents and lined them up in a pretty pink row and scratched our heads. Then we did what any good blooded American would do. We said, "To hell with it," and got a new printer.
I've only used the color copier on this new one once or twice. Wonderful, beautiful copies. But today, I attempted to make a copy of an article of mine that is blue and green and what do I get? Pink and yellow. Again.
Stupid, blasted machine. What infuriates me is that there's no reason for the error. Nothing's changed! If it worked properly the last time, it should work this time. That's the rule. The error also comes at the worst possible time, as I'm prepping documents for my Saturday workshop and need to make color copies. I'd prefer, on a professional level, not to have every handout I give my class be pink.
My theory is that if I focus enough of my hate on the machine, it will see the error of its ways and start functioning properly. I'm also not above threatening to tie a brick around its waist and dump it in a river where no one will hear its cries for help. Mad? You betcha. SOMEONE around here better start producing some blue and green color copies, pronto. If not, I can't be held responsible for my actions.