Trapped Without Technology

If anyone is reading this, send the Geek Squad immediately to my home as I have somehow managed to delete, hide, or banish to the outer reaches of the netherworld my outgoing e-mail server. In an attempt (and yes, I should have known better) to fix the problem with my e-mail account, I somehow managed to set it up so that ALL my e-mail accounts recieve mail, but I can't send messages out. 

Not only that, but the phone saga continues. For those new to this drama, it goes something like this:

The phone rings in my house. I go to answer it but receive a "Welcome. Please wait..." message on my cordless phone. Meanwhile, the answering machine has picked up and VIP is leaving a message for me. I need to talk to VIP so I bound up the stairs like a bunny on crack, only to pick up the upstairs handheld and receive the same message. Augh!

Sometimes I'm allowed to answer the call only to find the phone immediately hangs up on whomever I'm talking to. I turn to my cell phone but guess what? No service! 

So I'm in a house with iffy phones and no outgoing e-mail. As you might have guessed, I am breathing through a paper bag as I type this, assuring myself it will all work out.

The way it will work out is I'll ambush Blair tonight and make him deal with my mistakes. It's one of the little perks that come with being married to me. I refuse, REFUSE, to get on the line with any form of help service. I feel like a dunce and never know the answers to their questions, ("Ma'am, let's start slow. If you could just tell me your server ID and date of primary installation along with in order of age the 5 least successful presidents of our nation, we'll have you back on-line in no time.")

No. Forget it. I'm not calling. We had dinner with friends Saturday night and my friend Pam feels the same. She and I both lose our minds when dealing with tech service. Our preferred method of dealing with a technology issue is to approach our husbands and yell, "The f***ing thing isn't working again!"

I consider myself a modern, capable, self-sufficient woman in most areas of my life but I'm telling you, if not for Blair I think I'd revert back to smoke signals for sending messages. 

Surely it's faster and more reliable than dealing with tech help.