So yesterday’s post was about wanting to be given direction in life. I woke up to the fact that business writing wasn’t where I wanted to be spending my energy, that my self-concept revolves more around writing books, and that I needed to learn to let go of guilt. That was the first half of the day.
Then the clincher. That evening I worked out with my friend Kay. She gave me the stunning piece of stained glass you see in this photo. (The symbol means “friendship.” How beautiful is that?) But what just made my jaw drop, in light of all that had happened that day, was what she wrote in her card to me.
Ok here’s the deal – On your News Years blog you said one resolution was to “talk Kay into making a piece of stained glass for me.” Well kiddo – ya better get a writin’ because my resolution was to read your novel.
I got goosebumps. Literally. In one day I went from getting out of bed for a networking meeting doubtful about my place in life to receiving, all in one day, the messages that:
- I’m no longer satisfied with business writing
- My self-concept revolves around magazine and book writing
- I need to let go of guilt about not earning money while working on books
- A reminder that I promised myself and others that this year would be about novel writing
So there is it. I don’t want to write press releases and marketing brochures. I don’t want to join a networking group. I want to write books.
I went home that night and told Blair I want to back off the business writing and devote time to novel writing.
“That’s fine,” said Blair. “But this conversation sounds oddly familiar.”
He’s right, of course. I’ve declared in the past that THIS is the year I get serious about novel writing only to see it quickly fall by the wayside. All I can say is something feels different this time. Inside. I feel ready. I’m pretty sure this time will stick.
So all this begs the question, Am I just going to STOP writing for others, period? No. I know myself and I will get too ancy if I’m not making some money. But I’m eyeing new projects with a critical eye, asking myself if this is a project I want to work on or one I just feel obligated to take. I’ve already passed on a few projects to friends, which makes me happy, employers happy, and friends happy.
Right now I’m working on a grant for a non-profit, writing humor copy for an online e-line card line, and an article on orienteering for a runner’s website. All projects I love. I’m wading through three partly begun novel projects, debating which I want to focus on. And I’m just enjoying life. I feel like a small weight has been lifted, one I didn’t even realize was there.
I’m extremely grateful to have the chance to pursue my dream. Not everyone is so lucky. I try to hold this in mind and remind myself to make the most of each day. And to be grateful. And happy.
So I might not have my Egyptian nanny-guide, but I’ve got wonderful friends, a stellar spouse, and the Universe on my side.
What more could I ask for?