The Dating Diaries: My First Stalker

In today’s episode of The Dating Diaries, we explore the exciting world of mentally imbalanced and emotionally unstable individuals. Yippee!

There are a few truths that need to be put forth.

1. “Stalker” is probably too strong a word for what I’m about to describe, but it got you reading, so mission accomplished.
2. That being said, I was nervous enough about the situation to consider getting a gun, an updated alarm entry system or at least a more aggressive cat.
3. My stalker wasn’t a guy. It was a woman.

    Oh, BOOM on that last one. Didn’t see it coming did you?

    It’s true. While I have yet to rate my first male stalker (I’m biding my time—it’s coming), about three months into the dating scene I did have my very own female stalker.

    Here is the condensed version of what happened. I met a lovely gentleman on a flight out of Greensboro and, as we were traveling to the same city, we had dinner together that night and then several dinners upon our return to Greensboro. Now, unbeknownst to me, about two weeks before we’d met, this man had called things off with a woman he’d been dating. It was a college sweetheart who lived in another state with whom he’d reconnected after his divorce. Fine. All good. Not my problem, right?

    On our second or third date, this man mentioned this woman, just as an aside as we were talking about past relationships. Then not more than two days later, I received a private Facebook message sent at 2:45 a.m. from a woman I didn’t know.

    Hey Dena, Followed your Boston run after seeing a news piece. Then saw your interesting blog. Sorry to read about your divorce. I too find my marriage ending and am struggling. Have you started seeing someone again? Think I saw online somewhere you had but don’t know where. Interested to hear about him. I’m a little afraid of getting hurt again. Woman to woman suggestions?

    First of all, these Dating Diaries that I started just last month are the first and only time I have ever made mention of my dating life. And why on earth was some stranger asking me for “woman to woman suggestions” and asking to hear about the guy I’m dating? Then I saw where she was from and put two and two together. I immediately texted the guy, asking, “Should I be scared?”

    To his credit, he was furious. And embarrassed. He called and confronted the woman who outright lied. She claimed not only had she read about me dating on my blog, but that I must have deleted the post and that she never contacted me via Facebook. She sent me an email through my blog that somehow magically arrived in my Facebook messaging profile.

    I have some sympathy. We’ve all traveled different distances down this path, where we do a little Facebook stalking digging, check out the competition and then we try to keep our mind from running amok with wildly improbably scenarios that we can’t help but believe are true.


    The fact is, she got busted. And continued to lie about it. That concerned me more than the original message. Okay, you had a bad night and sent a message you shouldn’t have. But now she was going overboard to convince this man that I was making things up, she’s never seen my Facebook profile, yada, yada, yada. Someone who goes to great lengths to lie to other people will usually go to greater lengths to lie to themselves. I did not want to be caught in the crossfire. I had images of her showing up at my door for a midnight chat.

    “She would never do that,” said the guy.

    “Would you have described her before this as the type of person who would send a message like that then lie when backed into a corner?” I asked.

    “Err…no,” he said.

    Exactly. After another conversation where he laid out for her the timeline when he and I had met (she had convinced herself he broke up with her for me) and his reasons for their separation, she still refused to admit she Facebook stalked me, but she did apologize and said she was out of line.

    That’s the whole story. Sorry to disappoint, but no restraining order, no cars tailing me to work, no bunnies boiling on my stove. Just a broken-hearted woman who made a poor judgment call and then panicked when confronted about it.

    Although we’re no longer dating, I’m still friends with the man in question who is a wonderful guy. I joke that as soon as he gets serious with someone, the torch has been passed to me and it will be my job to step in and do a little stalking.

    Let’s be safe out there, people.