Dating Diaries: Wait For It

I emailed Mom to ask where she wanted to go for Mother’s Day, suggesting that we go out on Saturday to avoid the Sunday crowds.

“I’d love a good steak,” she emailed back. “Maybe Applebee’s?”

 “We’re not going to %$^$** Applebee’s,” I emailed back. “But I will take you out for a steak dinner.”

I made a reservation at one of the best steakhouses in Greensboro. The service was impeccable and our waiter was a very handsome gentleman, one of those silver foxes who could be 52 or an extremely well preserved 65. For the record, my mom, at 72, could easily pass for 62.

The conversation turned to dating and I encouraged her to get out there. She waved me away.

 “I don’t want to date anyone my age,” she said. “Yuck.”

“You don’t know that,” I said. “Look at our waiter. If he showed up on a date you’d be like, ‘Hell yeah!’”

She countered with her self-esteem issues, which she’s always battled. Okay. Fast forward to the end of the meal. Our waiter presents us with his card.

“Ladies, I have enjoyed your company tonight. If you ever have need for personal or in-home catering or serving, I hope you’ll consider me.”

Not that I have that need, but I would, because he was great. Which my mom and I discussed, joking that she should call and date him.

He left the bill and, when he returned to collect it, presented me with a $25 gift certificate. He was careful to note that it expired in 15 days. Okay, great again. Free food. Score.

As we prepared to leave, he took my mom’s hand in his, leaned over and kissed it. “Mademoiselle, it has been a pleasure.” She beamed.

He turned to me and I joked, “You know I have to get in on that.”

“But of course,” he said, taking my hand. He leaned over and kissed it, then leaned in further and whispered in my ear, “You are absolutely gorgeous.” He left.

“What did he say about me?” Mom asked, grinning.

My tongue turned thick. “Uh. Umm…”

“You’re blushing!” she said. “What did he say?”

I told her and we cracked up laughing. “Are you kidding me?” Mom said, wiping tears away. “I sit here and bare my soul about my damaged self-esteem and you encourage me to go after the waiter and he wants you? Please take me home now so I can kill myself.”

“He’s interested because he sees how good you look so he knows I’ll age well,” I said.

“You need to shut up now,” said my mom.

Eventually she asked me what I was going to do. “Nothing,” I said. “I’m seeing someone and even if I weren’t, he’s too old for me.”

“Well how would you even contact him, anyway,” she said.

“Oh my gosh, you are such a newbie at this,” I said. “He gave us his card and a certificate to come back to his restaurant. All I do is email and say, you probably don’t remember me, but I wanted to thank you for helping making Mother’s Day so special for my mom. Then he emails back of course I remember you, and boom, you’re talking.”

“Wow,” said Mom.

“I’m telling you, I can set you up,” I said.

“That would be great,” she said. “Except I’m still not speaking to you. Absolutely gorgeous. You suck.”

Happy Mother’s Day, y’all.