Sick of Volunteering

I am sick of volunteering, sick of giving my time and services away for free. I know that's  a terrible thing to say and I also know it's coming from a morning of frustration, spent at my desk spending hours wrapping up itty-bitty tasks and details not directly related to my work or income.

I certainly don't want my life to be just about money, and it isn't, but I am just burnt. It seems like in every group there is always the core group of 3-4 people who do all the work and, inevitably, I end up in that core group. I am tired of making phone calls, tired of being the one to follow-up on details, and sick to death of seemingly being one of only 6 people on the planet capable of following through on my word.  Where the **** is everyone else???

 This is my own fault, I know. I'm the one that agreed to the roles and responsibilities so I have no one to blame but myself. And the work sounds so meager when I agree to it. Sure, I can make a couple of phone calls. Why, it will only take 10 minutes to type up those notes. And on and on until I've screwed myself.

Just last Friday I found myself agreeing to speak to a networking group of unemployed persons at our city's JobLink center.  I couldn't say no. I used to work there so I know how hard it is to find qualified not to mention interesting speakers. Plus, the people there looking for work try so hard and a little motivation would take them a long way. Plus, look at all I have in life. It would be selfish of me not to give back. So I said yes.

I hung up the phone and it hit me what I'd done. The JobLink center is 50 minutes away from where I live and I'd drive in on a day when I have no other appointments in Greensboro.  That's over an hour and a half drive to speak, for free, for 45 minutes. That's a lot of work time wasted.

I wrestled with it all weekend, guilt doing a number on me.  (I hate backing out of things I've given my word on). But the event is over a month away and there's time to find a replacement so I called today and cancelled. I have mixed feelings--relief, because I didn't have the time to fool with putting a speech together, anger at myself that I agreed to it instead of just saying "no" in the first place, and of course, guilt because I backed out. 

Now if you'll excuse me, I have about another hour's worth of volunteer work to do.  My new motto: "Just say NO." 

What Do You Want to Do With Your Life?

I had a little "come to Jesus," moment this morning, as my friend Trisha likes to say.  I was thinking about all the "opportunities" that had come my way lately and whether these items really are opportunities or me just flailing blindly around in the pool of life, searching for something to cling to.  I suspect they are a bit of both.

Look at what I've blogged about for the last few days.  Substitute teaching...running a marathon. Hello--where did those come from? There are also some items I haven't blogged about.

In pursuit of the possible side career as a speaker, I'm signing up in August for a Dale Carnegie course. (Trisha warned me it's a cult but I'm aware of that and--frankly--think I would make an excellent cult member. I excel at following directions). A member of my networking group called me yesterday because she thought I was a member of the Greensboro Merchants Association and wanted me to be on her team. I'm not a member but she got me to thinking maybe I should be--more networking means more potential writing and speaking assignments coming my way.  I'm also working my way through Advanced manuals in Toastmasters, trying to earn an advanced speakers designation and just a host of other little things.

My point is, I think I'm grabbing at all these things, hoping one of them will "stick," and I'll figure out what I really want to do to with my life.

I do think writing is my niche. I've no plans to leave that. But almost all of my income comes from magazine writing and while I enjoy it and am good at it, I don't recall ever thinking to myself, "Hey, my life's dream is to be a famous magazine writer."

The problem is I don't know what my life's dream is at this point. Is it teaching? Writing for children? Writing non-fiction books? Humor books? One of the plus/minuses of my personality is I get very excited about whatever is set in front of me. Very good for getting me through projects, but I'm also easily distracted and thrown off track from the end goal--whatever that may be.

I think part of the problem is if I face up to the fact that my "dream" is to, let's say, write books for a living, that may mean I need to refocus my life and give up a lot of what I've been working hard for these past couple of years. Namely, building a reputation as a freelance writer. What if I give up my income, my ego-pleasing "Look--my name is in a magazine!" moments and my columns to stay home and write said book and nothing happens?  Aaaauuugh!  I am not a process person. I am a "let's see the end result" person.

Just talk for now. But we'll see where it leads. Meanwhile, let's throw it open to the crowd. Are you following your life's dream? Do you know what it is? Care to share your process? We're all ears... 

I Will Share With You, But You Must Promise Not to Laugh...

Dena Harris... substitute teacher???

Okay. Pick yourself up off the floor and dry the tears of laughter and I'll explain what I'm talking about.

As you know from my last entry, I was a wee bit nervous about teaching a classroom full of kids ages 8-11. It was for a Summer Writing Camp program and I was a guest speaker. The session was yesterday from 10-11 am.

When I got home, Blair asked me how it went. I was stumped for an answer. "Pretty good, I think," was the best I could do. They didn't fall asleep or pelt me with erasers and that's good for that age group, right?  Overall, I think I did an okay to slightly-higher-than-okay job. I talked about myself as an author, showed them my book, told them the most popular story in the book was about how my cat got too fat to clean herself and is called "The Great Cat Butt-Wiping Adventure," and they loved that.  I asked for any questions about being a writer and they wanted to know if I made a lot of money.   (I tried to keep a straight face).

Then I spent time helping them write the first page of their books. I talked about what should go in the first 100 words and read examples from real books and we picked out what it was about the first pages of those books that made us want to keep reading. Then I had them write their own first 100 words, get into small groups to share, and then we read some aloud.

Here's what I learned--I don't think I had enough interactive activity planned. Too much talking, not enough games to make the learning more fun.  But what I also learned--and this shocked me--was that I really like teaching kids.

They were fun. They were funny. They had big eyes and big smiles and were eager for me to read what they had written and give them praise.  I could quickly pick out who liked to be the center of attention, who was shy but serious, who was outgoing and determined, etc.  And I liked it. These kids were so great, so eager to learn, and very well-behaved. Noisy, but well-behaved.

I was telling Blair all this and he said--again, to my complete surprise--"Why don't you look at substitute teaching? You can set your own schedule and say no, but maybe you'd enjoy it." Normally I'd laugh it off, but the idea stuck. 

I have no idea what it takes to be a substitute teacher. Is a teaching license required? I e-mailed the NC Board of Education to ask for details. And I don't know that I'll go through with it.  But it's something new and fun to think about. Life is all about discovering who you are.

What a riot if it turns out I"m a teacher.

Me & 20 Kids - Please Start The Prayer Chain

I've been asked to speak this Saturday as a guest lecturer at a Summer Writing Camp for kids. The camp runs four Saturdays from 8am - noon and is sponsored by A&T University. My understanding is each week a different author or writing professional is brought in so the kids can talk to a "real" author.

So this Saturday from 10-11 am will find me in a room with twenty kids, ranging in age from 8-11. Can you even imagine??  

I'm experiencing one of those "I'm excited to do it / I dread doing it," moments. I want the kids to have a lot of fun and still learn something and have been driving my critique group crazy, I'm sure, with my constant e-mails asking if they think I should play music or just talk?  Should I give away candy or not? What books are good examples of openings? And on and on and on.  They've been very kind and haven't kicked me out of the group yet.

All this worrying and I'm only with the kids for a short time. I've been asked to talk about myself and my book for about 10 minutes (what it's like to write a book, how it got published, what my writing habits are, etc.).  Then I'm to lead the group through a creative writing exercise. Ideally, this exercise will help come up with the first page of their story.

I'm kind of amazed at how ancy I am. It's just that I'm not used to speaking to this age group. Adults, yes. Teens, okay. Wriggling, screeching, bouncing, hyper, most likely ADD-diagnosed 8-11 year olds?  Aaaaaauuuuugh!!!!!!

At the same time, I'm really looking forward to it. It's something new and if I like it, it may open up new doors to teaching workshops for kids.  That could be fun (with the proper doses of medication).

I've got work to do today, but a good chunk of tomorrow will be devoted to "prepping" myself for Saturday's talk. Oh, and if anyone is in the Madison area on Saturday, I'll be doing a book signing at The Fat Cat art gallery on Murphy Street in downtown Madison  from Noon - 4. There will also be a jewelry artist on site who, I understand, has some fabulous work.

Hope to see you there!