Happy New Year

I don't think January 1st should count as part of the new year. Here's why.

All of us sit around in the last dregs of December and vow to friends, family, and pets that this is the year we get our act together. We will lose the weight, get organized, ask for those blond highlights, work out every hour on the hour until we lose those 15 lbs, and tighten, tone, and trim every bit of unproductive behavior and negative thinking patterns from our being.

Then we wake up on January 1st.

We wake up after a night of being up way past our bedtimes and stuffing down what we swear is the last sugar-laden high-carb mouthfuls that will pass through our lips for the next 365 days. Now we're supposed to bounce out of bed after a night of revelry and start the new me program.

We're pretty much doomed from the start.

That's why January 1st doesn't count in my book. This morning I slept in, then we polished off the leftover Moravian sugar cake (worth every pound on the hips....soooo good!), then put down the Christmas decorations. I did do some yoga, which is on my list of intentions for the new year, then we ate lunch and now we're getting ready to go hike around our mountain property. I'll start all that "new me" stuff on Monday.

I'm a big fan of starting things on Monday. My husband is one of those people that if he decides he needs to watch what he eats, he sets the bowl of chips aside immediately. Me, I prefer the fresh start of a new day, a new week, a new year. There's something about that fresh start that sings out THIS time, I will win!

Thought I'd share some New Years Goals. Mine are:

• Don't offer advice unless first asked for it. (There is a good chance this goal only will put me in an early grave. And this blog doesn't count. If you're coming here, it's because you obviously crave my vast wisdom.)

• Either convince a publisher to publish or self-publish my collection of funny cat stories. Chicken Soup for the Cat Lover's Soul will be released in October 2005. 5 of my stories have made it to the finals. Only 140 stories make it to the finals out of the thousands of entries received, so I'm pretty pleased. I also think it's a good indication these stories will sell.

• Publish a book on public speaking. I love teaching my workshops and classes, and the more research I do on this topic, the more excited I am. Still considering several different ways to niche the book, but I think I'll have an e-book out by years end.

• Creative writing (novels, short stories) 2 hours each morning.

• Do not check e-mail until AFTER my morning writing is complete. I must face up to being an e-mail addict. "Hello, my name is Dena, and I abuse e-mail." "Hi, Dena."

These are not "resolutions" per se, but there are always the old standbys of workout more and eat healthier. The trick is going to be finding a new or varied workout routine. I love Billy Blanks, but I don't think I can face another Tae-bo video anytime soon. And even my old favorite the treadmill holds less appeal.

Anyway, those are things to worry about on Monday. For now, I'm going to enjoy the rest of the weekend. Happy New Year to everyone!

Beaches, showerheads, hotel towels, & mochas

I'm baaaack! Came home a day early. The time away was wonderful and--thanks to the magic of Mary Kay self-tanning lotion--I did come back tan, even though I was in winter gear most days.

I did get one beautiful day yesterday, about 60 degrees, and I took a 2-mile hike on the beach which was lovely beyond words. There were a few die-hard surfers out on their boards (they're nuts...that water was FREEZING) and some families watching their little ones sling sand, but I had most of the beach to myself.

My lodgings were adequate, which was all I expected, so no disappointments there. I did have fun with the showerhead, which had about 8 different settings on it. I must try every setting, but I always come back to just the plain old shower setting. Someone should come up with a personality test based on which shower setting you prefer. Pelting massage? Masochist. Rain shower? Flake. Full blast rocket booster shower-power with simultaneous alternating rain shower enhancements? Seek help.

Lovely showerhead aside, the hotel towels were, however, a disappointment. You could stick me in a room with rats and cockroaches, and as long as you provided me with an ample supply of big, fluffy towels, all would be forgiven.

These however, were the standard threadbare rags, best used for tissues versus drying off. In retaliation, I hoarded the free hotel supplies of shampoo, lotion, and conditioner.

I don't know why I take these things. When I pack them I think, "Great. I'll pack these the next time I travel." But when it comes time to pack for the next trip, I look at the items with a sense of dismay. That's not my conditioner. That's not the lotion I use. So now I just throw them in a decorative basket and set them out for guests.

Got a lot down during my time away. Slammed through about 6 books I'd been meaning to read, and outlined my book on public speaking. I did most of my work while sipping a Cafe Mocha at a nearby Barnes & Nobles, which is completely different than sipping Cafe Mocha at the Barnes & Nobles here in town for reasons I don't yet completely understand. Apparently it was important I drive 4 hours to have this experience.

One final note. I love Cafe Mocha's, but am going to have to cut back because I sound like an idiot every time I order one. To wit, I'm standing in line, and here are what the people in front of me order:
"Tall vanilla latte."
"Medium coffee."

My turn. "Hi, I'd like a tall, no, make that a grande cafe mocha. And I'll need that with skim milk, decaf, no whip cream."

I can feel my face turning red. I mean, really, at that point, how far away am I from asking them to spoon-feed it to me while they're at it? If what you order to drink at a Starbucks is any indication of how high maintainence you are, I am in deep trouble.

More tomorrow.

Big Mama's Cat Mat & Peace on Earth

I hate not understanding something. I don't mind long hours and hard work. Indeed, I relish the sense of accomplishment I feel when I've put a lot of time and effort in on a project and it's finally done.

What makes me pull my hair and shriek obscenities into my pillow though, is the furiously frustrating inability to not be able to figure something out.

Like computers, for instance.

I have a love/hate relationship with my computer. As a writer, I rely on it for income, and I actually find typing to be soothing.

However, what bothers me is that computers are supposed to be logical and my computer isn't. When I ask it to perform a function it has performed a million times in the past and then on the million and first time it freezes, gives me an error message, or says "bugger off," (I swear, it flashed that message at me once when I threatened to toss it out the window) for no reason other than to be mean-spirited.

This is all a long way of going about saying that I have been walking around the house p---ed off for the last 48 hours because I can't figure out how to post a simple picture.

You might notice the picture of me in the prior post. Great, right? WRONG! The picture was supposed to appear not in my blog, but to the side, where the info on my profile is listed. After downloading numerous programs, pressing buttons, and even a little desperate chanting, I finally managed to post the picture you see below. There are these problems though:

1. I have no idea the steps I took to post the picture
2. I don't know how to remove the stupid thing
3. I still can't figure out how to post the picture to the side where I want it
4. I ate almost a whole pumpkin pie yesterday and am afraid to go near my scale

So consider yourself warned. If pictures start appearing in nonsensical places on this blog, know that I am inches away from a mental institution and remember me in your prayers.

On to more pleasant tidings...

Although my husband and I don't exchange gifts, we do spend hordes of money on crap for the cats. This year "Santa" brought them reindeer antlers, an electronically controlled mouse, cotton fish, a feathered thing that hangs from the door and squawks only when we jingle it because it terrifies the cats and they won't go near it, and--this years success story--a Big Mama Scratch-O'-Rama Cat Mat (www.fatcats.com)

The mat has some sort of catnip covering, and our girls were delirious. Lucy rolled on the mat for 30 minutes and wouldn't let Olivia near. She was so obviously taken with her new toy and Blair and I started doing Gollum voices for her, cooing and hissing, "Is it my pre-c-c-c-ious? We loves the precious...FOREVERRRRR!!!!!!!!"

We need to get out more.

Speaking of which, although I just started this blog, I'm taking next week off. I'm holing up in a hotel room at the beach for a week to do some thinking and planning about where I want to take my writing--and my life, for that matter--in the New Year.

I have big plans of waking up, grabbing my notebook or laptop, and scribbling furiously, trying to capture thoughts as they burst forth, one more inspired and elucidating than the next. I will sleep, eat, drink, and think nothing but words. I will outline my 2 new novel ideas, work on my public speaking e-book, consider my idea for a non-fiction book, journal, research, walk the beach thinking deep thoughts, work out religiously, and come home fit, tan (never mind that it will be 30 degrees there), mentally sound, motivated, and ready to work 12-hour days to get done all I want to accomplish.

In other words, if I spend my days watching "Friends" reruns on cable, it will be a bummer.

Until the New Year then, happy wishes and Peace on Earth.

Me at my desk

Me