What You Don't Know About Me

I have a dirty little secret. It's called The Gilmore Girls.

That's right. You heard me. I like the Gilmore Girls. No, not just like, but LOVE. Lorilai, Rory, Suki, Luke, the whole Stars Hollow gang--I love them all. It's my happy show.

Other poor TV choices of mine include Survivor (all the people on every season annoy the hell out of me but I haven't missed a season yet), The Amazing Race (I have to stay up an extra hour past my bedtime after the show ends b/c I'm so emotionally drained after each episode), and--God help me--American Idol. There's no excuse for that last one. It's just sad.

I have comfort movies too. My all-time favorite movies are Terms of Endearment, Children of a Lesser God, Pride & Prejudice, and The Sound of Music. Not bad choices. However, when I'm sick with a stuffy head and it hurts to read or think, there is one movie I turn to to make me feel better....

SHAG-THE MOVIE.

Can't help it. Something about bad art makes me feel better. Plus, I want to be pretty like Phoebe Cates.

And quickly becoming a new favorite of mine is Napoleon Dynamite. We broke down and bought the DVD. Now whenever we're in a store and we pass some particularly tacky item I nudge my husband and whisper menancingly, "I want that." (See scene with clipper ship).

Improv class wrapped up last night. I was told I catch on quickly to what's supposed to be done, but I need to work more on the mechanics of each doing it. Seems I'm a little uptight. Imagine that.

I've got great info for an article comparing the art of Improv to the art of writing though. One more thing for the "must get done now list."

Meeting a friend for coffee this morning so off I go. Everyone have a great day.

Excellence On Demand

Here's my favorite part of being a writer: having to be creative on demand.

I'm writing a speech for a company and have been staring at my computer like a dullard for the last two hours. I'm trying to come up with a genius way of explaining a SWOT (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats) analysis that will both engage and amaze an audience.

So far, nothing.

I've learned not to panic. It will come, usually at some inopportune time like when I'm in the shower far away from pen and paper or when I'm half asleep. I'd rather have the shower. When I'm half asleep I always manage to convince myself I'll remember the solution I thought of and then I wake up the next morning and find all I remember is that I had a great solution, but retain no clue as to what it might have been. This has happened more times than I care to recall. I've probably lost my chance at winning the Nobel prize because I didn't feel like sitting up and turning on the light.

My problem is I'm not patient. I want the answer to my problem NOW so I can finish the speech, e-mail it off, and move in a nice linear fashion to the next item on my never-ending "to do" list. (In case you can't tell, I'm a big fan of checkmarks).

It's so odd I'm a writer. I've never thought of myself as a creative person. I can't sing, draw, act, paint, sculpture, dance, or some days even walk in a straight line. Some of my writer friends are what I call the dreamy variety. That means they sit in front of me and sip coffee out of big mugs and wear far-off expressions and say things like, "If I didn't write, I'd die! It's like the words are in my blood and I just have to get them out on paper. I have no control--they just come flowing out of me."

Yes. I'd like to beat these people with a sharp stick.

I rarely have that feeling that the words must come pouring out of me. My feeling is usually more one of, "I conned my husband into letting me stay home and work as a writer so perhaps I should scribble something down to at least make it look like I'm trying."

Writing for me is like exercise. I don't enjoy doing it, but I LOVE the feeling when I'm done. I think that's why I'll make it as a writer. I have a stick-to-it-ness that I think is necessary for the craft. I enjoy the challenge.

It's like being a vegetarian. I don't eat meat because I think it's insane the cruelty we subject animals to before we eat them, and I really don't think eating semi-tortured animal meat can be good for your body. But aside from the moral issue, there is also a big ego part of me that likes being vegetarian because it's something not everyone can do. Some people just don't have the willpower for it and I do and I LIKE that feeling.

That's how it is with writing. I may not be the fastest or the most creative but I DO it, and a lot of people out there claiming they want to be writers don't have the willpower for it.

All that being said and done, if anyone out there has any good ideas on how to talk about a SWOT analysis, how about e-mailing me? If I don't get back to you right away, it's because I'm sleeping or in the shower.

Cats & Fun-Filled Variety

I'm looking at the platic container that holds the seafood-flavored Pounce snacks our cat Lucy is so fond of. (The kitten, Olivia, could give a rip. She eats what's in her bowl and that's that.)

The Pounce cat treats come in--as advertisted--"A Medly of Fun Shapes!" And indeed, there is a clam shell, a star, and a fish. Yup, fun stuff, as promised.

Here's my question. Why, exactly, do my cats need a "medly of fun shapes?" It's not like they're toddlers I'm trying to con into eating their broccoli. They're cats. They can't read. And I'm damn sure Lucy, who is a good 8 pounds overweight, doesn't stay up nights debating whether the clam shell or the star is her favorite shape. That kibble is history in her stomach before it has a chance to bounce twice on the floor.

Here's another quote direct from the bottle: "A Great Tasting Seafood Flavor Mix of 3 Shape Varieties That Will Keep Your Cat Pouncing!"

Yeah, um, my cats pounce on lint? I'm thinking the Pounce company is losing serious money taking the time to stamp out these shapes.

One more quote. "Feed All 3 Shapes As A Snack For A Happy Cat!"

Implying what? That your cat will go into a deep depression if denied the fish-shaped kibble? Are we not under enough pressure to be responsible pet owners as it is? Speaking I think for all of us, I say back off Pounce people! We are doing the best we can.

Squirrel Nabbers - Update

Caught yet another squirrel. That makes three. You would think this would make me happy. But I fear we've crossed the zone from "ridding pesky rodents from our home" to "randomly nabbing wild creatures who have the misfortune to cross our roof."

We haven't heard scratching (or growling) in days, but we also haven't been home that much. I was home all day today though, and didn't hear a thing, so I think it's time to board the holes up and assume Rocky the Squirrel and Co. have left the building.

Getting rid of squirrels is expensive. The next time I hear moaning and growling and scampering I'm going to chalk it up to ghosts and leave it at that.