You Never Really Know What People Are Thinking...

I was reminded of this yesterday after having presented my two-hour workshop, "It's Not What You Say, It's How You Say It."  UNC-G does a great job of advertising the workshop and I had 15 people attend the 10:15 AM class on a Saturday morning--impressive.

I've been presenting this workshop for almost two years and it's intentionally geared toward what I call "occasional speakers," those individuals who may have to speak once or twice a year for work but who for the most part avoid giving speeches. 

In yesterday's class I had an attorney--someone who speaks in front of judges and juries on a regular basis.  He was interested in learning some persuasion techniques which I don't touch on a lot in this intro workshop.  So I was concerned my class wouldn't suit him. 

Watching him, I confirmed my suspicions.  He was bored.  Probably bummed there was no graceful way to exit the class without it being obvious.  He thought he'd wasted his money.  I saw him yawn.  Game over.

So no one could have been more surprised than me when he approached me after class and asked if I did one-on-one consulting. He has a big trial on his calendar and wants to be prepared for court.

Here is the lesson I took away from this: We may think we know what others are thinking/feeling, but we never really do.  Ironically, this is a point I touch on in my workshop.  The natural look of any audience member is almost always one of boredom or neutrality.  I warn my students not to let it throw them, yet I found myself jumping to conclusions about an audience member based on that look of neutrality.  And I know better.

It reminds me of a counseling session I did years ago at the Women's Resource Center.  I was new to Peer Counseling and listened as a woman 25 years my senior described losing her job, being forced out of her apartment, her husband left her, and her kids weren't speaking to her.  It was just disaster after disaster in her life.  She was very reticent and hard to pull information from.  I remember the session as very awkward and almost painful to sit through.  It was obvious she wasn't happy having to talk to me--this inexperienced girl who'd never had to go through anything close to what she was dealing with.  She didn't smile and seemed sullen the entire time. I was very disheartened after the session, thinking I had let the woman down and wondering if I was really suited for peer counseling.

Two months later I received a card in the mail from this woman.  She thanked me for our session and listening to her.  "Having someone sit beside me who cared gave me hope," she wrote.  She went on to say she had been motivated to re-examine her life after our session and had started making some changes.

Again, you could have knocked me over with a feather.  I left our session feeling I had done her more harm than good. Yet the experience had been positive for her.

The point is, we never know how we touch the lives of others.  Your smile to a tired check-out clerk may make their day.  Holding the door open for a person entering behind you may be the only nice thing a person does for them that day.

We don't have to know exactly how we affect every person in our lives.  It's enough to know we hold that potential. Which makes it all the more vital that we do reach out to others, treat everyone with respect, and look for the small, simple ways--like a smile or a wave to cut in front of us in traffic--that may improve someone else's day.

Bottoms Up!

So I started drinking at about 1 pm yesterday.  This would be worrisome except for the fact that I average about 6 glasses of alcohol a year, so I'm hoping the fact that I had 1/2 a glass of wine in the early afternoon is not a forbearance of terrible habits to come.

I decided early yesterday, probably about 10:30 AM, that I was taking a mental health day.  I still accomplished a number of things, most of them decorating and errand-running related (my dry cleaners was very happy to see me.  Our clothes were starting to overtake the place), but gave myself permission to just chill out and spend my day as needed.  So I be-bopped down to the fridge about 1:30, ostensibly for some blueberry yogurt, and that's when I saw the open wine bottle and thought, "Hmmm.  Wine in the afternoon.  Decadent.  Yes, definitely me," and poured myself a glass.

I've discovered that drinking puts me in a cleaning mood.  I was sipping the wine while working on the computer when all of a sudden the dust along the keyboard just seemed to POP out at me.  "Shameful," I thought.  So I set the wine down and went and grabbed Pledge, Windex, and toilet bowl cleaner and had myself a little upstairs cleaning party for the next 40 minutes.  Cleaning is also a cure to stop drinking, b/c the last thing I wanted after cleaning was wine, so the rest of the glass went down the drain.

No booze today though.  Back to work.  I'm going to try and slam out rough drafts on two new article and maybe pull together a query letter.  Also need to make a few new auto appointments for my column.

It's chilly here this morning.  Fall is making its early rumblings.  I opened the back door so the cats could get some air and their little noses were just twitching like mad as they tried to take in all the scents on the wind.  I spent some much needed one-on-one time with each cat yesterday, so I think we're all good now.  They're both in front of the computer desk, staring at me with hopeful, "come pet me!" eyes and glaring at one another as I type this. 

Of course Mommy will come pet!  Work can surely wait until later....

Dena

A Day at Home

I don't have any place I have to be today for the first time in what feels like months and I'm milking it for all it's worth.  I had a writers critique group meeting last night and didn't get home until about 10:30 and made it into bed by 11.  I promised myself I could sleep in as late as I wanted to this morning so was disappointed when I found myself pretty much wide awake at 5:30 AM.  I'm like a child.  If I know I have to get up, I don't want to.  If I know I can sleep in, I'll be up before dawn, waiting for Saturday morning cartoons to come on. 

I have a list of 8 calls I must make today.  I always do that to myself.  I loathe the phone and put calls off for as long as humanly possible and then literally, like today, have to devote a day to them.  Luckily, most of them are under 10-minute calls.

Also going to spend today doing some book promo on the web.  I'll turn on some music and spend the day hopping from cat site to cat site, seeing if I can do an announcement for my book.

Checked my e-mail this morning and no new orders for the book have come in.  C'mon all you listeners in radio land...where are you?? =)

On The Radio

Note to self: Ask radio host to record interview before the show starts, not after.

Had my 15 minutes of fame and then some today. 
Dena ready to burst into song...(not!)I went in for what I thought would be a 10-minute radio interview with host Dusty Dunn at WGOS 1070 AM in Greensboro , and ended up getting almost an hour's play time.  Thumbs up to the DJ!

As I was driving into Greensboro, I tuned my radio into the station.  Literally, just as turned on the station I heard Dusty's voice: "We've given air time in the past to dogs lovers and this morning we're going to have a local woman who's an expert on cats join us.  Her name is Dena Harris and she's written a book, Lessons In Stalking, and she's also got some stories in the Chicken Soup for the Cat Lover's Soul book, so we'll look forward to speaking with Dena about 9 o'clock today."

Drivers in the lane next to me may have wondered why I was pumping my arms and cheering, but who cares?

I got to the studio which was a tiny little room upstairs in this old but very cool downtown building.  We started the interview and about 3 minutes in Dusty's producer signalled that another Chicken Soup writer was on the line.  Since she was calling from San Francisco at 6am, Dusty gave her the first 10 minutes of the interview.  Then, since he had a vacant slot and time to fill, I got the rest of the time up until the show's close at 10 AM.  I got in numerous plugs for the book and we even had 3-4 people call in, which was cool.

One guy wanted to know what he should do with the all kittens his cat had - the shelters were full.  I had no real answer for that one other than family and friends, but I did get a plea in to please spay/neuter your pets and there are so many great cats waiting to be adopted at shelters, please check them out.

Another woman just wanted to know how to order my book (a big hello and shout-out to you, ma'am, whereever you may be), and another was just calling in to say how great cats are.

It's hard to evaluate yourself, especially while speaking.  My friend Pam listened in and said I talked a little fast, but otherwise came across as funny and interesting. 

Blair's workplace didn't pick up the signal (although I found out later he and all my out-of-state friends/relatives could have listened to the show via the web) so he can't comment.  And, as stated in my opening, I didn't realize the show wasn't being taped.

All in all, I feel positive about the experience.  I'm glad my first time on radio being interviewed was with such a kind and pleasant person. He also welcomed me back when the book is out.  So once I get my book launch set, I may try to get another few minutes back on air.

The pictures here are of Dusty Dunn, the host, and me sitting in Dusty's chair.  My chair was across from him with a mike, but he thought the better shot woud be of me with more of the equipment.  We took the photos right after the interview concluded.