So yesterday was my summer shearing, aka, the annual spring underarm waxing. I am now silky smooth under both arms but, as with anything in life worth having, there's always a price to pay.
In case you've never experienced the nirvana that is an underarm waxing, here's a little insider glimpse based on yesterday's visit.
The first thing you need to know is that you can't just show up for a waxing. The hair has to grow out first, which is usually a 10-day process. The hair must be long enough so the waxing paper will adhere to it and yank it out from the root. So I've been walking around in long-sleeved shirts and arms clamped to my sides for the past two weeks. I can't stand the growing out process. Grosses me out. But such is the price for beauty...
I enter the salon and recline face up on a table. Shirt off, jog bra on, at the technicians request I raise my right arm above my head and bend it at a 90 degree angle so I'm laying on my palm. Then I take my left hand and hold taut the skin under the arm as the technician takes a tongue depressor, dips it into hot lava wax (or what feels like lava wax, anyway), then spreads the wax on my skin, coating all hair. Then she takes what feels like a cardboard-y paper towel and pats it into the wax, really smooshing it in so it sticks. Then with nothing more than a cheerful, "Ready?" she grabs the end of the wax paper and rips the paper away, taking half my skin with her.
Well, not really. But it feels like it. It's actually a burning sensation, like someone is holding lit matches under your arm. The pain fades quickly, within seconds, but while it's there, it's intense. It's a little glimpse into how I might handle torture. (Note: Tell me nothing. I'll crack instantly.)
You might think you're done, but no. That just covered a section of hair. She applies wax and rips 1-2 more times before moving to the next side. Then tweezers are used to remove any stubborn hairs that withstood the molten lava treatment. A dash of lotion on each pit and I'm out the door and on my way.
The sad part is, I want more of this treatment. I've had a bikini wax but I think I passed out from the pain, so I don't recall much. If I had money to burn, I'd do electrolysis. You know, the treatment where they electrocute the hair on your body ? Yeah, I want that. I'll mock those who get Botox, but bring on high voltage shocks that fry follicles dead on the spot. That's good stuff.
All of this so I don't have to spend 45 seconds each morning shaving under my arms. But I may also be shaping human evolution. Enough of us females (and heck, males) keep removing hair from our body, sooner or later Mother Nature will cue in and just stop giving it to us.
Social evolutionizer (and vain hair freak)--that's me.