Littering and Napoleon Dynamite

Have you seen the movie Napoleon Dynamite? We rented it the other week and were rolling. It's one of those movies you hesitate to recommend except to certain friends b/c it's just so odd. Nothing much happens in it. We weren't even sure we liked the movie until we noticed we spent the two weeks after we returned it quoting lines from it--a sure sign of a cult classic.

Here's a preview (you must say this in a high, whiny high-schoolers voice and imagine that you are speaking to a llama): "Ti-nuh! Come eat some ham!"

That's just good stuff, baby.

Okay, switching gears. I'm thinking of starting a top 10 list along the lines of "What Other People Can Do to Make The World I Live In A Better Place." Only I'm pretty sure I'm going to need a lot more than 10. But we must start someplace so here's what tops my list:

#1 - QUIT LITTERING

Is it really so difficult to locate a trashcan? Maybe it's being in a car and having trash that confuses people. Oh no. I'm in traffic and have a gum wrapper. I don't know what to do!! Better toss that wrapper out the window before I experience total brainlock!

Might I instead suggest the simple solution of an in-car trashbag emptied periodically? It ticks me off to have to drive down a highway or road riddled with discarded hamburger wrappers, Styrofoam, and scraps of paper. And for you smokers who flick your butts out the car window because you're too lazy to reach over the six inches to your car's ashtray, there's a special place in hell reserved for people like you.

To end on a cheerier note, let me say that I just love my cats. I was combing Lucy earlier and she had a big purr going, and last night little Olivia started purring when I just looked at her. How cute is that! Personally, I think there would be a whole lot less wars and killing if everyone just owned and appreciated a cat. How could you look into those big round eyes, stroke that silky fur, and rub kitty belly and then go out and do mean things? Simply not possible.

Purrs, until tomorrow.

p.s. The thing under the stairs is still with us. I hear it clawing floorboards as we speak. Please, if you're reading this, send help.

Cell Phone Plunge

We did it. Signed up today for cell phones. It's the end of an era. No longer will I feel vastly superior to those among you who can't walk from your house to the car without calling someone so you don't get bored on the 5-second trip. Now, I walk among you.

We've promised not to go overboard though. Really, we got the cell phones for two reasons. One, we live out in the boonies so it's a good idea to have a cell phone handy in case a car breaks down. That way we can report our muggers vitals to the police en progress.

The second reason is because one thing my time away showed me is that I am much more productive away from my house. This makes sense as when I'm home the laundry, cats, e-mail, exercise, food, and books are all competing for my attention. When I'm sitting in a cafe somewhere, I don't bring anything with me but my work. Therefore, it's work or stare off into space. But I do need to be accessible to clients, so having a cell phone is helpful.

I vow to maintain boundaries though. Last month I was flying home from Chicago (went to see Oprah--Hey Big O!) and once the plane landed of course everyone flipped on their cell phones. Yada, yada, yada, we just landed, yada, yada, meet me in baggage, yada yada. Typical conversations.

Except for one guy, three rows up from me. Instead, this gem of a man was facing the back of the plane, talking into his cell phone and saying, "What do you think I'm doing? You can see me plain as day."

I turned around and sure enough, he was talking to his buddy who was about five rows behind me.

Losers.

Blair asked if I was going to give my cell phone number out to family and friends. "No," I said. "Absolutely not. They don't even need to know I have a cell phone."

Then it occurred to me said family and friends may be reading this blog. Soooo.....yesss...of course I was planning on giving you my number! Never doubt it. There's nothing more I'd like than to yada-yada with you on my supercool new cell phone as soon as possible.

Can you hear me now?

Happy New Year

I don't think January 1st should count as part of the new year. Here's why.

All of us sit around in the last dregs of December and vow to friends, family, and pets that this is the year we get our act together. We will lose the weight, get organized, ask for those blond highlights, work out every hour on the hour until we lose those 15 lbs, and tighten, tone, and trim every bit of unproductive behavior and negative thinking patterns from our being.

Then we wake up on January 1st.

We wake up after a night of being up way past our bedtimes and stuffing down what we swear is the last sugar-laden high-carb mouthfuls that will pass through our lips for the next 365 days. Now we're supposed to bounce out of bed after a night of revelry and start the new me program.

We're pretty much doomed from the start.

That's why January 1st doesn't count in my book. This morning I slept in, then we polished off the leftover Moravian sugar cake (worth every pound on the hips....soooo good!), then put down the Christmas decorations. I did do some yoga, which is on my list of intentions for the new year, then we ate lunch and now we're getting ready to go hike around our mountain property. I'll start all that "new me" stuff on Monday.

I'm a big fan of starting things on Monday. My husband is one of those people that if he decides he needs to watch what he eats, he sets the bowl of chips aside immediately. Me, I prefer the fresh start of a new day, a new week, a new year. There's something about that fresh start that sings out THIS time, I will win!

Thought I'd share some New Years Goals. Mine are:

• Don't offer advice unless first asked for it. (There is a good chance this goal only will put me in an early grave. And this blog doesn't count. If you're coming here, it's because you obviously crave my vast wisdom.)

• Either convince a publisher to publish or self-publish my collection of funny cat stories. Chicken Soup for the Cat Lover's Soul will be released in October 2005. 5 of my stories have made it to the finals. Only 140 stories make it to the finals out of the thousands of entries received, so I'm pretty pleased. I also think it's a good indication these stories will sell.

• Publish a book on public speaking. I love teaching my workshops and classes, and the more research I do on this topic, the more excited I am. Still considering several different ways to niche the book, but I think I'll have an e-book out by years end.

• Creative writing (novels, short stories) 2 hours each morning.

• Do not check e-mail until AFTER my morning writing is complete. I must face up to being an e-mail addict. "Hello, my name is Dena, and I abuse e-mail." "Hi, Dena."

These are not "resolutions" per se, but there are always the old standbys of workout more and eat healthier. The trick is going to be finding a new or varied workout routine. I love Billy Blanks, but I don't think I can face another Tae-bo video anytime soon. And even my old favorite the treadmill holds less appeal.

Anyway, those are things to worry about on Monday. For now, I'm going to enjoy the rest of the weekend. Happy New Year to everyone!